Survivor II: The Forever Forest
by Rachelle Davison
Summary: *Updated: November 30!* It's the Paper Pack vs. Mismatch Mass! Abandonment, alliances and feeble attempt at wittisms, hooray! Oh, and butterflies, don't forget about the butterflies.
1. Prologue

Author's Note: Yo! Since I wrote this with the intention of submitting it to a site that competes in The Site Fights, there is and shall be no swearing from here on. Er, not that there was before, but that's beside the point. The "II" part of the title comes form another Survivor fic, the one of which this is the second in the series. Enjoy!  
  
Survivor II: The Forever Forest  
  
By Rachelle  
  
A quiet beach is deserted. No one has been there for a long while. In fact, Mario himself was most likely the first, and the last, visitor to this desolate place. The rhythmic crashing of the waves can be heard as they break against the shoreline, leaving damp depressions in the sand.   
  
Suddenly, a loud explosion breaks the silence. Not far away, it seems that a passenger plane has just hit the water. All seventeen of the passengers speedily escape through the exit hatch and scramble on to the top of their makeshift isle, made of metal though it is.  
  
Sushie: I don't see what the problem is...  
  
Bow: You idiot! We've just crashed!  
  
Sushie: But I like the water.  
  
Goomba: Well the rest of us DON'T!  
  
Iggy: I'm not even supposed to be here! Oooh...  
  
As the seventeen mismatched characters observe their situation and try hard to stay calm, one in particular stands up. He turns around, clears his throat and announces in his best host's voice:  
  
Lemmy Koopa, Annoyingly Obnoxious Host: This is Survivor. Sixteen losers, abandoned in this isolated place with no company other than the cameramen, are competing against each other to win the grand prize: one million coins, and a new car. They are divided in to two masses: the Paper Pack and Mismatch Mass. I am your host, Lemmy Koopa. Whenever a direct comment to the camera is spoken, it will appear with the loser's name and occupation listed, like my name is right now.  
  
Pidgit: Well, Mister Information, that's all well and good,-  
  
Watt: Especially the bit about the one million coins!  
  
Pidgit: -but what are we supposed to do now?  
  
Lemmy: As you may have noticed, the plane is already slowly sinking. According to our estimates, the losers have exactly two minutes before the plane sinks completely and they must swim to shore. Unfortunately, all of the supplies are inside of the plane. They have until it sinks to salvage whatever they can out of the plane for their Mass, starting...  
  
Kooper: What? We're sinking?!  
  
Lemmy: ...Now!  
  
The entire throng stands there for a moment, unsure of what to do despite Lemmy's warning. They all jump as a grinding crunch is heard.  
  
Cobrat: Everyone, off the plane! It'll sink faster with all of our weight!  
  
Thinking this wise, those that cannot fly jump off and begin treading water.  
  
Lemmy: Though it was originally scheduled to take place on Choco Island, a fuel shortage caused an emergency landing here on the shore of a beach that borders the Forever Forest. In order to win, the players must adapt to their new environment. They must work together to win challenges, which will take place every three days.  
  
Dino Torch: What's with him?  
  
Ludwig: He's gone into host mode, you'll get used to it.  
  
Cheep Cheep: I'll dive under!  
  
Sushie: So will I!  
  
Finally seeming to get the message, the rest of the losers begin to hastily dive under and recover what they can. The fliers wait above to help carry the loot to shore. Inside, the bulk of the plane is still dry, so speech is still possible.  
  
Dino Torch: Grab the rice!  
  
Bombette: I found a map!  
  
Spiny: What's this thing do?  
  
Goomba: Bring it; it could be useful.  
  
Spiny: But what is it?  
  
Goomba: No idea.  
  
Lemmy: 30 more seconds...  
  
Cobrat: Ahh!  
  
Cheep Cheep: I found a knife!  
  
To the surprise of the losers, a large helicopter is spotted in the distance, coming fast. They stop what they're doing and gaze at it happily.  
  
Spiny: Yay, we're not stranded here after all! We'll get to go to Choco Island!  
  
Lemmy: What are you all stopping for? This helicopter is for me, not you! It'll be a long 42 days, so I suggest you grab all that you can, fast!  
  
Watt: Um, mister Lemmy? I don't like rice.  
  
Lemmy: Too bad, you'll have to find something else in the forest!  
  
Cobrat begins to carry items from the inside of the plane to the surface for Ludwig and Bombette, who have decided to stay inside of the plane until the last possible moment to gather supplies. The majority of the losers seem to want to do this themselves though, with the possible exception of Spiny ("I can't swim!") and Iggy, who remain on the plane's topside and appear to be doing absolutely nothing.  
  
Iggy: Hey, I'm helping load stuff onto Pidgit's carpet!  
  
The helicopter hovers over the nearly submerged plane and picks Lemmy up. And not a moment too soon, for it is mere seconds later that the plane becomes entirely submerged and sinks like a rock to the bottom, erasing all hope of further supplies. The losers all make for the shore, struggling to tow what they can with them. The fliers are last to make it, weighed down with their heavy cargo.  
  
Parakarry: This box... is... too... heavy...  
  
Pidgit: Get off of my carpet!  
  
Spiny: No!  
  
Finally all together, the losers collapse on the beach.  
  
Bow: That... was one long float.  
  
Goomba: You never even had to swim!  
  
Bow: Shut up, you.  
  
After standing back up, the losers divide in to their respective masses. They look around, seemingly waiting for something to happen. Nothing does.  
  
Bombette: Wait, here's the map I found.  
  
Bow: Gimme that! Hmm... it seems to be a map to our campsite.   
  
Lakilester: I say we follow it. No one else seems to be around to show us the way.  
  
Kooper: Right!  
  
After some arguing over which way is the right way to hold the map, then some more over who gets to hold it, the Paper Pack depart in the direction the map leads. The Mismatch Mass stands around in confusion, wondering what to do.  
  
Iggy: We didn't find a map...  
  
***  
  
The losers:  
  
Paper Pack:  
  
Goombario Kooper Parakarry Bow Watt Sushie Lakilester  
  
Mismatch Mass:  
  
Iggy Ludwig Spiny Pidgit Cobrat Dino Torch Goomba Cheep Cheep 


	2. Days 1 - 3

Survivor II, Days 1-3  
  
By Rachelle  
  
Day 1  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
  
  
The Mismatch Mass is still assembled on the beach, uncertain of just where to go.  
  
Iggy: No fair! Why did the Paper Pack get a map?  
  
Spiny: Because they found one in the plane!  
  
Iggy: Well, why didn't we find one?  
  
Ludwig: I would assume that two maps were placed in the vehicle to prevent such a predicament as this.  
  
Goomba: Why was ours hidden so well then?!  
  
Cobrat: Ok, guys-  
  
Cheep Cheep: And girl!  
  
Cobrat: .And girl. Calm down, asking stupid questions isn't going to help us.  
  
Ludwig: I concur with Cobrat's theory. We should take an educated guess based on the direction in which the Paper Pack was travelling.  
  
Dino Torch: Well, we should go in the opposite direction as they were heading, right?  
  
Pidgit: Yeah, but what if there are winding turns in the path we're supposed to take? We could get lost! Someone should go ahead as a scout.  
  
Ludwig: Excellent proposal. Pidgit, you take to the air and have a look around. If you perceive anything slightly abnormal, report it to us immediately.  
  
Pidgit: I didn't mean me!  
  
Ludwig: The suggestion was yours, and therefore so was the ownership.  
  
Pidgit, Airline Pilot: The nerve of that Ludwig, trying to boss me around on the first day! Just because I'm perfectly suited for an above ground scouting, and. Never mind.  
  
Pidgit flies above the treetops, escalating higher and higher until he can no longer be seen.  
  
Spiny: I hope he gets back soon. Standing around here is no fun at all!  
  
Goomba: It's not supposed to be fun! This is a game about survival.  
  
Ludwig: Hence the title. The player most adequately suited for the journey shall win.  
  
Cobrat: But don't forget; surviving the other members of the mass is the real challenge.  
  
All: .  
  
Spiny: Too. deep. Can't. focus.  
  
Cobrat: *sigh*  
  
Cobrat, Marksman: Our mass is so disorganized. The only one who seems to have a clue about anything is Ludwig. Maybe I can form an alliance with him and someone else. But who else?  
  
The group waits. And waits. And, for a change of pace, waits some more. After some more waiting, things remain pretty much the same. Dino Torch has taken to chasing the butterflies down the beach. Cobrat is talking to Ludwig, though he seems a little confused at some points. The rest of the mass is staring at the sand.  
  
Spiny: I'm bored.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Really, you mean waiting for hours on end with nothing to do but stare at the sand or watch Dino Torch roast butterflies bores you?  
  
Dino Torch: Resistance is futile, puny insects! Hahahaha!  
  
Iggy: .He scares me.  
  
Spiny: I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's-  
  
Cobrat: No.  
  
Spiny: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles-  
  
Dino Torch: No!  
  
Spiny: This is the song that never ends, yes it goes-  
  
All besides Spiny: NO!  
  
Spiny, Obstacle: They're all so mean! I was just trying to liven things up a little. Since when is enthusiasm a crime?!  
  
All is quiet. A couple of crickets chirp as they all stare at each other.  
  
Iggy: So, anyone seen any good movies lately?  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Bow: Are you guys sure this is the right way to hold the map? I don't see any of the landmarks.  
  
Kooper: Yeah, there aren't any of those dotted lines on the ground at all!  
  
Goombario: There aren't supposed to be any! They're just there to show us where to go!  
  
Kooper: .I knew that.  
  
Watt: Well, the North end of the compass picture is always at the top, right?  
  
Goombario: Not always.  
  
Sushie: I'm pretty sure it's upside down. I can't read any of the letters.  
  
Bow: But we've already been over this. The map is supposed to say "II rovivruS" upside down-like.  
  
Parakarry: When did we agree to that?  
  
Bow: "We" didn't. I agreed for everybody.  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: Bow is starting to get on my nerves. It's probably nothing major yet, but I know her.  
  
Goombario: Let me fix that for you.  
  
Goombario take the map from Bow and flips it around so that the print reads "Survivor II".  
  
Watt: Yay, it's fixed!  
  
Goombario: It wasn't broken, just held the wrong way.  
  
Bombette: You mean we've been travelling in circles all this time?! I could just.  
  
Bow: The map says we go this way, to the left.  
  
Sushie: But that's right into the forest! Are you sure it's the right way up now?  
  
Bow: Positive. The dotted line leads in to the forest and takes a few winding turns before arriving at our campsite.  
  
Goombario: It shouldn't take too long to get there. About an hour, two hours tops.  
  
Goombario, Journalist: Some start we're off to. It's going to be a long 42 days.  
  
Sushie: Did anyone bring a watch or something?  
  
Goombario: Nope, my comfort item was a book.  
  
Parakarry: We were allowed to bring a comfort item?!  
  
Lakilester: Yeah, but I couldn't bring anything because Lemmy said my cloud counted as extra!  
  
Sushie: I guess that's a no, then?  
  
Bow: It looks that way. Oh, we have to make a left turn here.  
  
The group turns left, but keeps on talking.  
  
Bombette: No one told me we were allowed to bring anything.  
  
Kooper: Me either.  
  
Bow: I brought my fan so you one of you can fan me off.  
  
Lakilester: Fat chance.  
  
Sushie: I miss Lava Lava Island already.  
  
Watt: Are we there yet?  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Spiny: Lookie, Pidgit's coming back!  
  
All look skywards. Sure enough, one rather disgruntled-looking Pidgit is descending. Much to the surprise of the other members, he misses his landing and crashes in the dirt. The others rush to help him up.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Gasp!  
  
Cobrat: Are you all right?  
  
Pidgit: I'm (gasp) fine. Just really (pant) tired.  
  
Dino Torch: How can you be tired when your carpet was doing all the flying?  
  
Pidgit: Psychic powers (wheeze) take a lot of energy to (pant) use. Need to rest.  
  
Dino Torch: Psychic powers?  
  
Pidgit: Zzz. Zzz.  
  
Goomba, Insurance Salesman: Bah, I'll bet he's just bluffing. Psychic powers, hah!  
  
Iggy: Should we wake him?  
  
Ludwig: Certainly. We require the knowledge of in which direction our temporary residence is situated.  
  
Iggy: What'd he say?  
  
Goomba: I can't tell. He's your brother.  
  
Ludwig: Just wake him!  
  
Iggy: That I understand.  
  
Iggy walks over to Pidgit, who is already snoring happily. He picks him up and abruptly drops him.  
  
Pidgit: Yeowch! What was that for?  
  
Iggy: Sorry, but we need to know what you saw or we could be stuck here for who knows how long.  
  
Pidgit, Airline Pilot: And I was having such a nice dream, too.  
  
Goomba: C'mon, tell us what you saw!  
  
Cobrat: What took so long?  
  
Pidgit: Thermals can be tricky, all right?! Do you want to know what I saw or not?  
  
Dino Torch: Do tell.  
  
Pidgit: Fine. I saw what I think was the Paper Pack heading that way.  
  
Pidgit points down the beach.  
  
Pidgit: And something that could almost have been a campsite that way.  
  
He points the down the beach in the opposite direction.  
  
Pidgit: And in the thick of the forest there was some kind of desolate clearing with absolutely no signs of life anywhere.  
  
Cobrat: Well then, it's settled. Good job, Pidgit!  
  
Spiny: To the clearing!  
  
Pidgit: Think maybe we should open that box first?  
  
Dino Torch: What box?  
  
Pidgit: The one from the plane.  
  
Cobrat: Better not yet, we'll open it when we get to the campsite.  
  
The mass makes for the forest, but comes to a stop before stepping in to the underbrush upon finding a veritable wall of plant life blocking their way.  
  
Ludwig: Now what? A barricade of flora blocks our path.  
  
Cheep Cheep: I could have told you that.  
  
Dino Torch: Lemme do it!  
  
Ludwig: What could you possibly hope to achieve?  
  
Eagerly pushing his way to the front of the group, Dino Torch opens his mouth and burns the leafy barrier to a pile of charcoal. Unfortunately, this also makes a nearby bush catch fire. He hastily smothers it with his foot before it can spread anymore.  
  
Iggy: That, I guess.  
  
Dino Torch, Pyromaniac: Ooh, fire! Fun, fun, fun!  
  
Cameraman: You are one disturbed little dinosaur.  
  
Dino Torch, Pyromaniac: Wahahahahahaa!  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Bow: "It shouldn't take too long," he says. "Maybe an hour, two hours tops". That's the last time I listen to you.  
  
Goombario: That was a rough estimate!  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: If I had still been holding the map, we'd have been there by now, but nooo, they had to take it from me!  
  
Kooper: Bombette, it's my turn to hold the map!  
  
Bombette: A big kaboom says it isn't.  
  
Kooper: Pleeeeease? You've had it for hours!  
  
Bombette: Oh. fine. Here you go.  
  
Kooper: Thanks!  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: My cute appearance and winning personality are sure to be good assets if I'm gonna win! See how easily I won Bombette over?  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: I heard that, you little.  
  
BOOM!  
  
Parakarry: What was that?  
  
Goombario: That weird confetti looks familiar.  
  
Kooper: Ouch. I don't think I want the map anymore.  
  
Bow: I'll take it then.  
  
As Bow grabs the map from Kooper, they hear a funny whistling noise. They look up just in time to see Bombette plummeting from the sky, hitting the ground with a dull 'thump'.  
  
Bombette: Oww.  
  
Sushie: You're not made of paper any more, Bombette.  
  
Bombette: So I noticed.  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: This whole campsite mess is really getting annoying. We should have been there long ago.  
  
Lakilester: Can someone else carry this box? I dunno what's in it, but it's really heavy and- Hey! Wait up!  
  
Watt: Sorry Lakilester, we forgot you were here.  
  
Lakilester, Wannabe: So much for my "staying under the radar" strategy.  
  
Bow: Why are there so many twists and turns on the map? We could easily cut through here and skip a good twenty minutes of walking.  
  
Sushie: Let's do it, then!  
  
Leaving the trail provided by the map, Bow leads the Paper Pack to the right. As they progress the underbrush grows thicker to a point where it's hard to keep going at all. Thorns and poison ivy scratch at their heels (those who have them, that is). The tall trees block most of the light, and it soon becomes hard to see.  
  
Parakarry: Maybe we should go back, guys. Guys?  
  
Sushie: Over here!  
  
Parakarry: I can't see anything but plants!  
  
Using Watt as a flashlight, the gang eventually manages to find Parakarry. However, this does turn them around a few times in the process.  
  
Parakarry: Whew! Thanks, guys.  
  
Watt: We should keep going. Which way, Bow?  
  
Bow: Uh.  
  
As Bow realises what's happening, Sushie suddenly finds herself holding the map. It's still fairly dark, so no one else can see.  
  
Bow: But I don't have the map, Sushie does!  
  
Sushie: Hey!  
  
Goombario: Well, which way do we go?  
  
Squinting her eyes to make it out in the dim light, Sushie carefully examines the map.  
  
Sushie: According to the map. we're lost.  
  
Lakilester: What?! We're not even at the campsite, and we're already lost?  
  
Kooper: You were supposed to be keeping track of where we were going!  
  
Watt: Nice going, Sushie.  
  
Sushie: But I didn't have it until Bow-  
  
Bow: Hey! What's that?  
  
All except Bow: What?  
  
Bow: Oops, false alarm.  
  
  
  
Day 2  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Goombario: C'mon everyone, up and at 'em!  
  
Parakarry: Aw, it's too early for this.  
  
Sushie: *yawn* Is it time to go home yet?  
  
Kooper: .Lemme 'lone.  
  
Bow: Zzz.  
  
Watt: I'm awake, I'm awake!  
  
Lakilester: Where are my shades?!  
  
Goombario: I said, "WAKE UP!"  
  
Bombette: Oww, tone it down a little, will you?  
  
Lakilester: They've gotta be around here somewhere.  
  
Parakarry: Your sunglasses are over there, where you dropped them last night before we went to sleep.  
  
Snatching his sunglasses off of the ground, Lakilester puts them back on and turns to Parakarry angrily.  
  
Lakilester: You saw me drop them and you didn't tell me?!  
  
Parakarry: I figured you put them there on purpose.  
  
Lakilester: Since when have you ever known me to willingly take them off?  
  
Parakarry: Uh. never.  
  
Lakilester: My point exactly.  
  
Bow: Zzz.  
  
Goombario: Hey, is anyone listening? We have to get going and set up camp before the first reward challenge!  
  
Watt: When's that?  
  
Goombario: Not for a while, but we are still lost. Who knows how long it'll be before we get out of here?  
  
Bombette: Ahh! Someone wake up Bow!  
  
Producing a megaphone out of seemingly nowhere, Watt places it near Bow.  
  
Watt: WAKE UP!  
  
Bow: Eek! Don't scare me like that!  
  
The rest of the mass stares at her for a moment, then bursts out laughing.  
  
Bombette: Hee hee. Where'd you get that, Watt?  
  
Watt: It's my comfort item.  
  
Kooper: How does a megaphone comfort you?  
  
Watt: It doesn't. I just like playing with it!  
  
Bow: I hate you.  
  
Goombario: Is everyone awake now?  
  
Lakilester: Yeah.  
  
Goombario: Good. Let's go.  
  
Bow: Go where? We're still lost!  
  
Goombario: Give me that map.  
  
Sushie: Here. I don't want it.  
  
Sushie, Nanny: I'm still mad at Bow for framing me last night. It was her who got us lost, not me. I'm probably going to vote her off if we lose the immunity challenge. Whenever that is, and if we ever make it there at all.  
  
Goombario: Gee, this doesn't help at all.  
  
Parakarry: I have an idea!  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: There's a first time for everything, no?  
  
Lakilester: What? What's your idea?  
  
Parakarry: We could use Watt's megaphone to call for help!  
  
Bombette: That's a great idea. Except for one thing: who's going to hear us?  
  
Parakarry: Well, Lemmy's probably wondering why we haven't shown up, right? Maybe he's got the helicopter looking for us.  
  
Cut to wherever Lemmy is.  
  
Lemmy: That's odd. Neither mass has reached their campsite yet.  
  
Cameraman: Should we go look for them?  
  
Lemmy: Nah, they're probably just pacing themselves in a strategic manoeuvre to keep at their peak strength for today's reward challenge.  
  
Cameraman: What if they didn't find the maps?  
  
Lemmy: Nonsense, those were hidden in plain sight back on the plane, and they were easy enough to follow. Besides, the other cameramen would have alerted me had something gone wrong. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure.  
  
Cameraman: You're right. Wow, its only day two and they're already playing smart.  
  
Cut back to the Paper Pack.  
  
Kooper: Your plan didn't work, Parakarry.  
  
Parakarry: Thank you for that. Really, I would never have noticed if you hadn't told me.  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: I think my standing is pretty good right now. Even Parakarry thinks I'm smart!  
  
Goombario: C'mon, there's a little more light leaking in from somewhere over there! Maybe it'll lead us back to the map's trail. Then we can find our campsite!  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: Somehow, I doubt it'll be all solved that quickly, but it's nice that he wants to motivate us.  
  
The Paper Pack heads off towards the beam of light. It's easy to follow, mainly because the forest itself is still so murky.  
  
Bow: This place needs better lighting. I can hardly see you guys.  
  
Goombario: That's why we have to stick close for the time being. When we get out of this dense forest, we'll spread out again.  
  
Lakilester: Wait for me, this box is slowing me down! Can someone else carry it, please?  
  
Paper Pack: No!  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Ludwig: Remind me again exactly why we selected this route?  
  
Spiny: Cuz a deserted clearing will have everything we need! Peace, quiet and. and.  
  
Dino Torch: It'll only be quiet if we leave you behind.  
  
Spiny: And, uh. easy access to fresh air!  
  
Goomba: Do you want fries with that?  
  
Cheep Cheep: We're doomed.  
  
Iggy: Aww, c'mon! Think happy thoughts!  
  
Pidgit, Airline Pilot: Considering what a bunch of morons surround me, I think he's asking way too much.  
  
With Dino Torch leading the way, the rest of the mass moves carefully through the burned remnants of what used to be trees and undergrowth.  
  
Dino Torch: I think we're here!  
  
Goomba: And look, it's a welcoming committee! How thoughtful.  
  
Sure enough, they have reached the clearing. Numerous expensive tents surround what appears to be an unfinished challenge, but it's hard to make out as it's not very far along yet. A few cameramen and a confused Koopaling all turn to stare at Mismatch Mass.  
  
Lemmy: How did you morons ever manage to get this far off-course?  
  
Ludwig: Since we were unable to recover a map to our campsite from the plane, we made use of the information obtained from our scout to determine the best route to pursue. We were able to overcome the natural blockade of plant life by utilizing the fiery influence Dino Torch possesses and soon after arrived at our current location.  
  
Iggy: Uh. What he said.  
  
Lemmy: But I left the maps lying right out in the open!  
  
Ludwig: And by doing so, you deliberately placed our most valuable asset in the last place expected!  
  
Spiny: Yeah, 'cuz we're stupid!  
  
A large anime sweatdrop forms near the rest of the mass' heads.  
  
Spiny: .What? WHAT?  
  
Goomba, Insurance Salesman: And we had a good argument going, too.  
  
Lemmy: Well, you shouldn't be here. You're not allowed to see the challenges before they're ready, and this one's not!  
  
After a heated argument over why they should or shouldn't have been able to find what should have been an easy guide, Lemmy finally agrees to give them a lift to their campsite. They are somewhat awkwardly all shoved in to the small, logo-plastered helicopter and land a few metres from the campsite, a small clearing in the middle of the forest much like the Paper Pack's.  
  
Lemmy: Okay losers, out!  
  
Eager to get out of the stuffy helicopter, the Mismatch Mass all tumble out and fall in a heap on the sand. The helicopter leaves.  
  
Goomba: Ahh! Off, off!  
  
Cheep Cheep: Can't. breathe.  
  
Spiny: I'm the king of the castle, and you're the- Oof! What was that for?!  
  
Pidgit: You're just annoying me. You guys best get yourselves untangled so we can see what's in that box we lugged all this way!  
  
It takes a few minutes, but the group do eventually disentangle themselves. They brush themselves off and rush over to where Pidgit and Spiny already are: the "pile" of salvaged items.  
  
Cobrat: Let's see. We have a box, a knife and . what the heck is this?  
  
Ludwig: It appears to be a metallic instrument of elongated proportions.  
  
Cheep Cheep: It's a long piece of metal.  
  
Ludwig: Simply put, yes.  
  
Spiny: I brought that!  
  
Cobrat: Well, let's keep it. Who knows, maybe we'll find a use for it.  
  
Goomba: I want to see what's in the box!  
  
Dino Torch: Can I open it?  
  
All besides Dino Torch: NO!  
  
Dino Torch: Phooey.  
  
Dino Torch, Pyromaniac: I'm going to be out all too quickly if I'm not careful! Of course, I won't let that happen. They will soon realize what an important asset I am when it comes time to build a fire!  
  
Ludwig is the first to try, but the box is shut tight and the lid won't budge. After many failed attempts at everything from using Spiny's piece of metal in an attempt to pry it open to throwing Goomba at it, they eventually give up and sit down, fresh out of ideas.  
  
Dino Torch: *whimper*  
  
Ludwig: All right, you may attempt to open it.  
  
Dino Torch: Yippee!  
  
He rushes at the box, promptly engulfing it in a swirl of flames. When the blaze subsides, the group is shocked to find that the box is still intact. The fire hasn't left even a scratch.  
  
Iggy, Paperweight: .That can't be good.  
  
Dino Torch: But.But.  
  
Spiny: Geez, they give us a box of supplies that doesn't open? That wasn't very smart.  
  
Goomba: Maybe the producers think it'll give the show higher ratings?  
  
Cheep Cheep, Athletic Swimmer: Whoever organised this show has got to be the stupidest-  
  
Cameraman: Shut up!  
  
Paper Pack  
  
The Paper Pack is still lost in the dark forest. Kooper is now taking a go at the map, but he isn't having much more success than the others did.  
  
Watt: Are we there yet?  
  
Kooper: Um. Soon.  
  
Goombario, Journalist: I don't think he has even the slightest idea of what to do.  
  
Lakilester: Someone else carry this box!  
  
Parakarry: Uh, sure.  
  
He grabs the box and tries to fly with it, but it isn't long before he's lagging behind the others.  
  
Parakarry: HEY! Lakilester, come back here!  
  
Lakilester: How many times do I have to tell you, my name's not Lakilester, it's Spike!  
  
Parakarry: Well, whatever. Take the box; I can't carry it any further.  
  
Lakilester: But, uh, my cloud looks tired! It needs a rest!  
  
Bow: It always looks like that.  
  
Lakilester: You're just not looking hard enough! I can tell what it's feeling, and it's feeling tired.  
  
Bow: Lakilester, it's a cloud, not a Clubba.  
  
Lakilester: I told you, my name's SPIKE! And it does too have feelings!  
  
Goombario: Just carry it, all right? You're the only one who won't get tired from carrying it.  
  
Lakilester, Wannabe: They're all against me!  
  
Lakilester: Well. You gotta promise to wait up, ok?  
  
Bombette: If it'll make you stop whining.  
  
The pack stops short as an ear-splitting shriek is heard.  
  
Goombario: Who was that?  
  
Looking around, they see Bow, who has moved ahead and seems to have run into a Piranha Plant.  
  
Bow: Erm. Niiiiice Piranha Plant.  
  
Bombette: Oh come ON. Don't tell me you're scared of that.  
  
Bow: Uh, of course not! It just surprised me, popping out of the ground like that.  
  
The Piranha Plant lunges to take a bite, but receives instead a smack in the face. It falls back, stunned. Taking out her fan, Bow proceeds to beat the toothy plant senseless.  
  
Bow: Take that, you creep!  
  
Parakarry: I guess now we know why we were supposed to stay on the trail.  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: Whew! I almost lost it there! The next person to sneak up on me will wish they'd never- EEK!  
  
Parakarry, Mailman: Bow's sure jumpy today.  
  
Bow: Why you.!  
  
(Sounds of a scuffle in the background as the camera pans over to the rest of the group.)  
  
Kooper: Look! Light!  
  
They quicken the pace. Sure enough, the small beam of light gives way to a small clearing. A flag with the words "Paper Pack" emblazoned on it flutters slightly, but it seems to be the only thing there. Lakilester happily tosses the heavy box to the ground, while the rest just stare.  
  
Bow: This is it?  
  
Goombario: I guess we'll have to make due.  
  
Bombette: We should build a shelter or something.  
  
Goombario: Good idea. Kooper, you, Watt and Sushie go collect some sticks. Bow, you and Parakarry pick some tree leaves. I'll stay here with Bombette and build a shelter with the materials you bring us.  
  
Watt: Don't we get to take a rest first?  
  
Goombario: You'll be happy when this is all out of the way, trust me.  
  
Watt: If you say so.  
  
Watt, Electrician: Why can't we rest first? We do have all day.  
  
Goombario, Journalist: No we don't, there's still the reward challenge.  
  
Watt, Electrician: Stupid reward challenge.  
  
After quite a long session of hard work (You didn't think we'd waste all that air time on that, did you?), the Paper Pack has managed to put together a makeshift shelter, complete with thatched roof and a cute little window.  
  
Goombario: Not bad!  
  
Lakilester: It is pretty sweet.  
  
Suddenly noticing how dark it's getting, the Paper Pack retreats in to the newly constructed shelter and quickly fall asleep.  
  
Day 3  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Spiny: Hey, you guys?  
  
Cheep Cheep: .Wha? Why are you up this early? Go back to sleep.  
  
Spiny: I've just realized something.  
  
Cheep Cheep: What might that be?  
  
Spiny: We haven't eaten at all since we left the plane.  
  
Cheep Cheep, Athletic Swimmer: Augh! We haven't thought to eat in days, and it takes the mass moron to remember?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Oh. Yeah.  
  
Spiny: Maybe we should tell the rest of the mass?  
  
Cheep Cheep: No, I get the feeling they wouldn't appreciate being woken at this hour. We'll tell them later.  
  
Spiny: All right.  
  
Cheep Cheep: I'm obviously not getting back to sleep now.  
  
Spiny: I'm bored.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Just as long as you don't start singing again.  
  
Spiny: Aww. Maybe we could try to open that box again.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Yeah! If we could open that, our standing would probably rise significantly.  
  
So they do. More stomping, tossing, whacking and prying, but the crate still remains intact. Spiny and Cheep Cheep give up and shortly before Iggy wakes up and joins them.  
  
Iggy: What are you two doing up so early?  
  
Spiny: Trying to open the crate. We couldn't sleep.  
  
Iggy: Oh. What time is it?  
  
Cheep Cheep: How should we know? It's not like there's a clock around here.  
  
Iggy, Paperweight: Don't laugh! I'm just not fully awake yet.  
  
Iggy: Oh yeah. *yawn* Y'know, we really oughta build some sort of shelter.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Now that you mention it, the ground was rather uncomfortable.  
  
Spiny: Not to mention cold!  
  
Iggy: Hey, why don't we go gather some wood or something. Then we'd have something to work with come morning.  
  
Spiny: There's no way I'm going into the forest before the sun comes out!  
  
Iggy: We're in the forest already.  
  
Spiny: Yeah, but at least I can see the stars from here.  
  
Cheep Cheep: What, are you scared?  
  
Spiny: Yes!  
  
Iggy: .I'll go then.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Me too.  
  
Spiny: And leave me all alone?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Just come ON!  
  
Iggy and Cheep Cheep set of in to the forest, dragging Spiny with them. It's much later by the time they return, bringing as many fallen logs and leaves as they can carry.  
  
Spiny: I told you not to turn left!  
  
Iggy: You be quiet. We made it out, didn't we?  
  
Spiny: But you got us lost!  
  
Cheep Cheep: Well, you didn't have any better ideas.  
  
Spiny, Obstacle: I did so! I distinctly said, "Don't go left! I looks scary!". But did they listen to me? Noooo.  
  
Setting the pile down, they turn around and nearly bump into Cobrat, who is in front of the rest of the mass.  
  
Cobrat: And just where were you three? We've been looking for you since dawn!  
  
Cheep Cheep: We were searching for building materials!  
  
Cobrat: You should have waited until everyone else was awake!  
  
Iggy: Hey, you wanna sleep on the cold ground for another night?!  
  
Ludwig: If I did not know any better, I'd suspect that you were planning something.  
  
Cheep Cheep: No! We couldn't sleep.  
  
Dino Torch: So you say.  
  
Iggy: It's true! Tell them, Spiny.  
  
Spiny: It was all their idea! They made me do it!  
  
Iggy and Cheep Cheep: .  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: When we woke up this morning, there was one thought that pretty much dominated our minds: food.  
  
Parakarry: We have not eaten in two days, mostly on account of our inability to remember the importance of food, but also because we just haven't come across any.  
  
Goombario: Guys, I think we should split up and see if we can find some food.  
  
Lakilester: What about that huge box I was forced to carry all the way here?  
  
Goombario: Or we could open the big box and see if there's any food in it.  
  
Thinking this a good idea, they gather round the large wooden crate. Locating the easy-open tab, they rip it off and have little difficulty prying it open to reveal its contents.  
  
Sushie, Nanny: When we opened the box, we found a first aid kit, some canned food, rice and eight blue bandanas with our mass name on it. Though we were happy about the bandanas and the fact that we did have food, we couldn't even eat it!  
  
Goombario: Hmm, the rice is no good until we can build a fire.  
  
Sushie: And how do we open the cans?  
  
Everyone is quiet, apparently deep in thought. Bow seems to have an idea, and whispers something to Goombario. This is quietly passed on to Watt, Bombette, Sushie and Lakilester. All eyes turn to Parakarry and Kooper, who are by now becoming very uncomfortable from all of the less-than-subtle whispering.  
  
Parakarry: G-guys? Why are you looking at us that way?  
  
Kooper: Did I do something wrong?  
  
Bombette: You know how we're all starving, and we need something to open the cans with?  
  
Kooper: Yeah.  
  
Watt: And how a large, hard surface would probably be the best way we have to open them right now?  
  
Parakarry: Hey, I see where you're going with this! You leave me alone!  
  
With Parakarry flying out of reach, Kooper is left vulnerable. The pack then enjoys a nice, if somewhat small, meal of canned peaches, which they achieve by banging the can up against Kooper's shell until the can caves in.  
  
Watt: Mmm, peaches!  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: Oww, my aching shell. Is that all I am to them, an anvil?!  
  
Finishing his three peach slices early, Parakarry pulls Kooper to the side.  
  
Parakarry: Kooper, I think we need to start thinking smart. If we're going to stay in this game, we'll need to form an alliance.  
  
Kooper: Yeah! But how are two votes going to make any difference?  
  
Parakarry: They won't. But I've already recruited Bow and Goombario. They say they're willing, and the others have no idea!  
  
Kooper: That's great! I was getting worried for a while. Who are we voting off first?  
  
Parakarry: We're not sure yet, but the challenge is today. We'll try our hardest obviously, but if we do lose, we'll have to be ready.  
  
Kooper: But who are we going to vote off?  
  
Parakarry: No sir, they're not going to catch us unprepared! We'll kick them all out and slowly but surely eliminate the rest of the Mismatch Mass come time for the merge.  
  
Kooper: That's really good that you're thinking so far ahead. But I ask again, who are we voting off? Are we going to have a conference or something?  
  
Parakarry: We can't talk any more right now; I think the others are getting suspicious. I'll leave first, then you slowly wander back so it doesn't seem like we were together.  
  
Kooper: But-  
  
It's no use, because Parakarry leaves and joins the rest of the mass before he can finish the question. Kooper returns a minute or two later. The nest time he gets the chance, Kooper nudges Bow.  
  
Kooper: Who are we voting off if we lose the immunity challenge? I talked to Parakarry, but I couldn't get anything out of him.  
  
Bow: We're not sure yet. Just keep a close watch on the other four and we'll decide when the time comes.  
  
Watt: Hey! Who's he?  
  
Turning around, the pack is surprised to find some guy. He looks pretty clued out.  
  
Guy: Are you the Paper Pack?  
  
Goombario: That's us!  
  
Guy: Oh, then I have a message for you, in the from of a corny poem. It's about the challenge tonight, so listen up!  
  
You've made it through the first two nights,  
  
But don't get cocky yet.  
  
This challenge won't be easy,  
  
So you'd better be all set.  
  
Teamwork is required here.  
  
A bubbling lake, a burning ember,  
  
You'll get burnt if you're not careful.  
  
Make it across with all your members!  
  
Bow: What the heck are you talking about? Hot water?  
  
Guy: Sorry, you'll have to figure that out yourself. Good-bye!  
  
The guy leaves.  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: This game is so confusing.  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Pidgit, Airline Pilot: Ludwig, Dino Torch and Cobrat still mad at Iggy, Cheep Cheep and Spiny for stowing away to get supplies this. I don't really see what the problem is. If they want to help the mass during their insomnia, why not let them?  
  
Ludwig: You should have informed the remaining members. You almost induced a heart attack when we realised you had vanished!  
  
Dino Torch: Yeah!  
  
Cheep Cheep: But we were helping you guys!  
  
Cobrat: But we didn't know that! For all we knew you could have been carried off by rabid Wrigglers!  
  
Dino Torch: Yeah!  
  
Iggy: We're sorry, all right?!  
  
Cheep Cheep, Athletic Swimmer: Geez, see if we ever do anything helpful again.  
  
Ludwig: Sorry is insufficient! We were really very worried!  
  
Iggy: You have a funny way of showing it.  
  
Dino Torch: Yeah! .Uh, I mean.  
  
Spiny: I'm not here.  
  
Pidgit: Just let it go! They didn't do anything wrong.  
  
Cobrat: But they could have-  
  
Goomba: You're just cranky from lack of food. That's what we should really focusing on.  
  
Ludwig: Perhaps Pidgit is right. We would be wiser to concentrate on obtaining some foodstuff.  
  
Cheep Cheep: And building a shelter.  
  
Cobrat: Well.  
  
Iggy: Come on, we're wasting all our energy on fighting! Don't you want to have something to sleep in tonight?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Besides, we found something that would really some in useful while we were gathering that stuff.  
  
Ludwig: What?  
  
Iggy: A watering hole! And it's not far off, either!  
  
Goomba: How far?  
  
Cheep Cheep: About five minutes away. That is, if we can find our way back.  
  
Cobrat: What do you mean, "if"?  
  
Cheep Cheep: It was pretty dark when we found it.  
  
Spiny: No, I found it!  
  
Iggy: By falling into it.  
  
Spiny: But I still found it.  
  
Pidgit: Let's just go.  
  
Cheep Cheep and Iggy try to remember the way back, but it takes them about half the day to find the right place. No one else really cares though, because the sight of water makes everything else seem trivial. They all dive in, though Dino Torch seems hesitant. His thirst eventually gets the better of him and he jumps in like the rest.  
  
Spiny: I could stay here forever.  
  
Ludwig: unfortunately, we don't have that much time. We really should get back to the camp and set up some sort of establishment.  
  
Spiny: Aww.  
  
They're able to find their way back much easier, and they do make it in about ten minutes. However, before they can do anything, they are surprised to notice that a man is standing in the middle of their campsite.  
  
Iggy: Who are you?  
  
Guy: I'm here to tell you about the immunity challenge tonight! Listen carefully, because you'll need this information if you want to win. Ahem.  
  
You've made it through the first two nights,  
  
But don't get cocky yet.  
  
This challenge won't be easy,  
  
So you'd better be all set.  
  
Teamwork is required here.  
  
A bubbling lake, a burning ember,  
  
You'll get burnt if you're not careful.  
  
Make it across with all your members!  
  
Bye now, and remember what you've just heard!  
  
The guy leaves.  
  
Spiny: Huh?  
  
Challenge  
  
The masses are assembled at a large lake, apparently filled with lava. In the middle of the lake is a small island. They look mostly bored, with the possible exception of Bow, who just looks ticked off.  
  
Lemmy: Well, well. You've survived the first night, I see.  
  
Ludwig: Just barely.  
  
Lemmy: Yes. But if there's one thing you all want, I bet I can guess what it is.  
  
Ludwig: FOOD!!!  
  
All pause for a moment to stare at Ludwig, who blushes noticeably.  
  
Lemmy: Right, food. But, I'm sure you've all discovered by now that it's not so easy to get.  
  
"Oohs" and "Aahs" from the masses as Lemmy holds up the prize: a bundle of waterproof matches.  
  
Lemmy: You will need these very much if you want to eat anything cooked. Besides, this challenge is also for immunity.  
  
Kooper: What's wrong with uncooked rice?  
  
All but Kooper: Blech!  
  
Lemmy: To win this as of yet invaluable prize and the immunity idol will not be easy. As you can see, there is a large lake over there, filled with lava. At the edge of the lake, you'll find six stones, three for each mass. Using these stones, you must make it to the small island in the middle of the lake. On the island, there's a lump of still-burning charcoal. What you need to do is have your whole mass make it to the other side with the coal, using those rocks as a bridge. First mass to completely make it over to the other side wins.  
  
Kooper: But how-  
  
Lemmy: Losers ready? Go!  
  
The masses are off, but they come to a screeching halt at the lava. Picking up the stones, they wonder what to do.  
  
Goombario: Here, give me one of those!  
  
Goombario tosses the first stone into the lava, creating a stepping-stone, which he jumps on to. Getting the idea, Parakarry takes the other two stones and drops them of equal distance apart father on. The Paper Pack begins to advance, slowly but surely.  
  
Dino Torch: Hey! They're getting ahead of us!  
  
Cobrat: No, they're not!  
  
The Mismatch Mass begins to use the same strategy, catching up before the Paper Pack can figure out what to do next. Pidgit begins to airlift a few of the members to the island, but it's a slow process as he can only carry one member at a time. Dino Torch merely swims through the lava to the island, grabbing the ember in his mouth and taking it to the far side of the lake.  
  
Dino Torch: Yes, we've won!  
  
Lemmy: No you haven't. The rest of your mass still needs to make it across.  
  
Dino Torch: Drat.  
  
Precariously balancing on the rocks, the Paper Pack isn't making much progress until Lakilester begins to transport them over to the island. This again is a long and tiring process. Parakarry flies ahead, but the glowing coal is too hot to handle. He retreats back to the rest of the group. The players on the rock closest to the shore make a jump for the second, leaving one rock now free. Lakilester makes sure they don't fall in, and not a moment too soon. Using this process, the Paper Pack eventually makes it to the island with all of their members.  
  
Watt: Uh oh, we're out of rocks!  
  
As Lakilester, Bow, Watt and Parakarry backtrack for the rocks left behind, we see that the Mismatch Mass has been more careful with their rocks. With Pidgit and Dino Torch picking up each rock as it becomes free, they have been able to make it almost all the way to the other side.  
  
Bow: Gah! Hurry up, hurry up!  
  
Parakarry: We're. trying.  
  
Bow: Faster!  
  
Lakilester: We'll never make it!  
  
Rushing back to the island with the rocks, Parakarry and the other fliers make double time as they struggle to catch up. Lakilester grabs the hot ember and tries his best not to touch it as he uses his cloud to carry it across. The groups are now neck and neck as they race for the shore, as quickly as they can while still being careful not to fall in to the lava. Finally, the Paper Pack makes it across and meet up with Dino Torch. With the rest of the Mismatch mass not far from the shore, the Paper Pack waits anxiously for Lakilester to return with the ember.  
  
Dino Torch: Come on guys, you can do it!  
  
Bombette: Lakilester!  
  
Lakilester is catching up fast, and it looks as if the Paper Pack might very well be the first ones to take the immunity idol back to camp. Alas, in his haste, Lakilester doesn't notice that the ember is slipping off of his cloud. It drops into the lava.  
  
Lemmy: The Paper Pack can no longer continue. Victory to the Mismatch Mass!  
  
Cheering, the Mismatch Mass grabs both the matches and the idol and leave happily. The Paper Pack groans and leaves in utter defeat, Lakilester trailing behind hesitantly.  
  
Mass Massacre  
  
Lemmy: Well, Paper Pack, we meet again. Tonight, if you survive the voting, you will leave with the satisfaction of having survived the first Mass Massacre. If not, you will be asked to leave.  
  
Kooper: And if we refuse?  
  
Lemmy: Then I'll add extra gunpowder to the cannon!  
  
Kooper: Excuse me, cannon?  
  
Lemmy: So maybe I was lying when I said you'd be "asked" to leave. In any case, is the anyone here who has some steam they'd like to vent?  
  
Lakilester: I was really annoyed when I had to carry that big box the whole way to the campsite, because it took such a long time and no one believed me about my cloud getting tired.  
  
Lemmy: Yes, we all know how aggravating it must be to have a tired. cloud. Anyone here with a more optimistic opinion?  
  
Watt: Well, I didn't see why nobody liked the dark. It wasn't so bad.  
  
Kooper: I learned that the dotted lines on maps aren't really on the ground too!  
  
Lemmy: Uh, that's great. Bow?  
  
Bow: .Zzz.  
  
Lakilester gives Bow a nudge.  
  
Bow: 49!  
  
Lemmy: Never mind. If you look behind you, you'll see a lit staff for each of you. Your staff represents you, as a member of the mass. If you are voted off, your staff will be extinguished and you will leave via the cannon. Any questions?  
  
Bombette: Do we get complimentary bags of nuts on our cannon flight?  
  
Lemmy: No. Wel, let's get to the voting. Goombario, you go first.  
  
Goombario goes to vote.  
  
Kooper goes to vote.  
  
Kooper: I can't vote with my alliance, because we never decided on who to vote for! My vote goes to Bombette, and I only hope that the rest of the alliance voted the same way.  
  
Parakarry goes to vote.  
  
Bow goes to vote.  
  
Bow: I'm voting for myself. I can't stand this place any longer!  
  
Watt goes to vote.  
  
Sushie goes to vote.  
  
Sushie: I was going to vote for Bow, because she framed me back in the forest. But it was Lakilester's fault that we didn't win the challenge.  
  
Lakilester goes to vote.  
  
Lakilester: I don't really know who to vote for, so I'm doing this alphabetically, but I'm skipping Bombette because she hasn't really annoyed me yet. I'm sorry, Bow.  
  
Bombette goes to vote.  
  
Lemmy: I'll go tally the votes. Once they have been read, the decision is absolute and the person with the most votes will have to leave immediately.  
  
Lemmy leaves to retrieve the vote bucket and returns shortly after. He pulls out a ballot and reads the name inscribed on it.  
  
Lemmy: The first vote goes to. Bow. The second vote goes to. Bombette. The third goes to. Bow. The fourth vote goes to. Lakilester. The fifth vote goes to. Lakilester. The sixth vote goes to. Lakilester. The seventh vote goes to. Bow. The seventh vote goes to.  
  
Dramatic music plays as Lemmy slooooowly unfold the last vote. He is about to read it, but accidentally fumbles and drops it.  
  
Lemmy: Oops, sorry about that.  
  
He bends over to pick the dropped ballot up. The camera pans over Lakilester, who is nervously biting his nails, and Bow, who is frantically fanning herself off. The music continues to play, growing more suspenseful.  
  
Lemmy: And the first person to leave the forest is. Lakilester. Lakilester, I need you to bring me your torch.  
  
Lakilester: Aww, man. here.  
  
Lemmy: Now, normally I'd be extinguishing your flame right now, but in keeping with last season's theme, you now have the option to crack your stick over the head of the person you feel is most responsible for your being voted off.  
  
Clutching his staff, Lakilester stops for a moment before cracking his staff over Parakarry's head. Parakarry lands on the ground with a thud.  
  
Parakarry: Oww.  
  
Lakilester: That's for not carrying that big box when I needed a break!  
  
Lemmy: Time to go, Lakilester.  
  
Lemmy indicates the huge cannon, placed beside him and yet somehow unnoticed until now.  
  
Lakilester: Spike! My name is SPIKE!  
  
Lemmy: Whatever you say. Get in there.  
  
Laki- I mean, Spike, floats into the cannon.  
  
Lemmy: Lakilester, the mass has spoken.  
  
Lemmy lights the fuse, and Lakilester is blasted in to the night sky with a deafening bang. His voice can be heard as he sails away ("My name's Spiiiiiiiiiiiike!") until he is nothing more than a tiny dot and crashes into Cookie Mountain.  
  
Lemmy: Oops, looks like I'll have to re-aim that next time.  
  
Lemmy turns around solemnly to face the rest of the Paper Pack.  
  
Lemmy: Well, the good news is that you've all survived the first Mass Massacre. The bad news is that you are now short one member, which may or may not leave you at a sight disadvantage come the next challenge. You can go now, so cheer up a little!  
  
The group sighs, and begins to blaze the long trail back to camp.  
  
Lemmy: Bow, the staff stays here!  
  
Bow: Aww.  
  
The camera shows a brief shot of the medics rushing in Lakilester's direction, and the credits roll.  
  
Who voted for who?  
  
Goombario: Lakilester (Was his fault they lost the challenge)  
  
Kooper: Bombette (Blew up on him)  
  
Parakarry: Lakilester (Was his fault they lost the challenge)  
  
Bow: Bow (Hates this place)  
  
Watt: Lakilester (Was whining too much)  
  
Sushie: Bow (Was mad for being framed)  
  
Lakilester: Bow (Alphabetical order, didn't want to vote off Bombette)  
  
Bombette: Lakilester (Cloud argument was pathetic)  
  
Lakilester, Wannabe, on being voted off: Well, I guess it was my fault that we lost the immunity challenge, so I suppose I deserved it. If I ever get out of this body cast, I'll still be cheering my team on. Oh, and for the last time, my name is Spike! Do you hear me, SPIKE! 


	3. Days 4 - 6

Author's Note (Because I can.): Y'know, peeps, though this may quite possibly look like I've just slapped a bunch of words on the screen and proclaimed it a fan fic, this actually does take quite some time. As in, many hours. So, that taken care of, just hope ya enjoy it. DO IT OR ELSE! MWAhahahahah- *slap* .Thank you. But seriously, all I want to know is that people have read this, so leave a review, pleeeeeeese? I give you fair warning that the ghost of my goldfish haunts all of my fan fictions (at the same time!), so leave a review if ya know what's good for ya.  
  
We now return you to your regular broadcasting schedule.  
  
Survivor II, Days 4-6  
  
By Rachelle  
  
Day 4  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: Losing that first challenge was a big blow for us. The fact that this game isn't just a pleasure cruise finally hit home, though I'd have to say getting lost was probably our first hint.  
  
Bow: Can we open some more food?  
  
Goombario: No, we're limiting ourselves to a can a day, remember? We'll have some rice later.  
  
Bow: But we don't have any fire to cook it with!  
  
Goombario: .Good point.  
  
Kooper: Let's rub some sticks together!  
  
Watt: Haven't you ever watched that other survival show? I can't remember the name.  
  
Parakarry: Pardon?  
  
Watt: It's coming. coming. drat!  
  
Bow: Huh?  
  
Watt: I lost it. But my point is, the players on that other show never got fire by rubbing sticks together. It just doesn't work.  
  
Sushie: Why?  
  
Watt: Um, I dunno. It just doesn't. Well, they did eventually, but they hurt their hands a lot.  
  
Parakarry: Maybe if Bombette explodes near the fire, it'll light it.  
  
Bombette: It could work.  
  
Sushie: What, and blow up our campsite?  
  
Bombette.Or not.  
  
Parakarry, Mailman: What we need is some guaranteed way to get fire. Like maybe. Kooper's Fire Shell move!  
  
Kooper: I know! I can use my Fire Shell move!  
  
Goombario: Good thinking!  
  
Bow: A regular genius!  
  
Parakarry, Mailman: Phooey.  
  
After a long period of aiming, missing and re-aiming, Kooper finally manages to hit the campfire. It ignites immediately, unfortunately for Kooper.  
  
Kooper: Oww, oww, oww! Hot!  
  
Parakarry: You're supposed to wait until you're out of the flames to get out of your shell, Kooper.  
  
Kooper: I know, I know. Ouch.  
  
Goombario: At least we have a fire now.  
  
Bow: Good. Let's make rice.  
  
Goombario: We still need water, or we can't cook it.  
  
Bombette: What kind of world is it when you need water to cook rice?!  
  
Sushie: I think I may have-  
  
Goombario: No time to waste! We need to find us some water!  
  
1 Mismatch Mass  
  
Spiny: Yay! Yahoo! Yippee! Hurrah! We won!  
  
Cheep Cheep: Hooray, we get to keep a plastic figure of a Wiggler. I'm ecstatic.  
  
Goomba: But it has words on it, see?  
  
Iggy: Hmm, "Made in Japan."  
  
Cobrat: It's obviously some sort of code for "superior mass."  
  
Dino Torch: Wow, I'm touched. *sniffle*  
  
Ludwig, Genius: I knew it! My mass consists 100% of idiots, excluding myself, of course.  
  
Spiny, Obstacle: That's 110.5 %, stupid!  
  
Ludwig, Genius: *sigh*  
  
Spiny: But isn't it great? Wewonwewonwewonwewonwewon.  
  
Cobrat, Marksman: I'm beginning to wonder if winning that challenge was such a good thing after all. Spiny hasn't shut up since we got back, and no one could get a wink of sleep last night.  
  
Goomba: Shut up!  
  
Ludwig: Cease!  
  
Spiny: Ceeelibrate good times, c'mon!  
  
Dino Torch: You know what? We'll all celebrate when you are quiet.  
  
Spiny: Ha ha, you're funny!  
  
Dino Torch, Pyromaniac: This idiot doesn't understand plain English.  
  
Pidgit: Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you!  
  
Spiny: I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I'm a survivor-  
  
Pidgit: That's it! Don't say I didn't warn you!  
  
Pidgit stares at Spiny for second, who seems about to continue singing. Suddenly and without any logical reason, Spiny goes flying across the campsite and crashes in to the big crate, which remains unopened still.  
  
Spiny: .-keep on surviving. *twitch*  
  
Iggy (unplugging his ears): Thank you, Pidgit.  
  
Wondering how Iggy could possibly be the only one to understand, the rest of the Mismatch Mass gape at Pidgit, seeming to want an explanation.  
  
Ludwig: Exactly how did you manage to accomplish that?  
  
Pidgit: I told you: I have psychic powers.  
  
Goomba: Uh-huh, and I'm a Piranha Plant. Really, what happened?  
  
Pidgit, Airline Pilot: Freaks.  
  
Iggy: What should we do today?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Does Standing around doing nothing sound good?  
  
Spiny: Yeah!  
  
Ludwig: Where is the logic in that?  
  
Spiny: Uhm. Somewhere between the "standing around" and the "nothing," I think.  
  
Ludwig: Never mind.  
  
Goomba: Well, let's see. We don't have fire, food or shelter.  
  
Dino Torch: We're all set!  
  
Paper Pack  
  
  
  
Kooper: . I'm exhausted. Can we stop looking for a few minutes?  
  
Goombario: Sounds good.  
  
The mass all either sits down or lands on the ground. They stay there for a minute, panting and gasping from their long hike.  
  
Watt, Electrician: Well, now we know that there is absolutely no water anywhere around this area. Soon, I imagine we'll begin searching somewhere outside of the campsite.  
  
Kooper: My legs hurt!  
  
Bombette: What were we looking for again?  
  
Goombario: Water! There has to be some around here somewhere.  
  
Bombette: Oh yeah.  
  
Bow: Aww, now we're starving and exhausted.  
  
Parakarry: What? My ears must be plugged. I could've sworn I just heard you say-  
  
Bow: Oops. I mean, me. Bow. Now I'm starving and exhausted.  
  
Sushie: You know, I just may have the-  
  
Bombette: I don't see what everyone is complaining about. I'm not tired at all!  
  
Parakarry: Bombette, I wish you'd get off of me.  
  
Bombette: But this is fun!  
  
Parakarry: And you're heavy!  
  
Bombette: Was that an insult?!  
  
Parakarry: N-no, I didn't mean-  
  
Bombette: Good, now be quiet!  
  
Sushie: Guys, listen to me! As much as I'm sure you've all enjoyed walking around in very small circles for the last hour-  
  
Sushie is interrupted by a series of loud groans from the group. They are still not making any effort to get back up; the long trek seems to have dazed them.  
  
Kooper: At least we've ended up back at the campsite.  
  
Sushie: We never left the campsite, you idiots!  
  
At this, Sushie is met with six vacant stares. This possibility had obviously not occurred to them.  
  
Watt: You know, Sushie might be right.  
  
Sushie: And besides, we didn't really need to look at all because-  
  
Watt: I wanna go home!  
  
Sushie: But-  
  
Bow: We will find water if it's the last thing we ever-  
  
Sushie: ARGH! I have water!  
  
Kooper: What water? Where?  
  
Sushie: Right here, you moron!  
  
Kooper suddenly finds himself sopping wet as a jet of water comes his way. Sushie smiles innocently.  
  
Kooper: Oh, that water.  
  
Goombario: Why didn't you tell us this before we spent an hour walking in circles?!  
  
Sushie: Well, I did try.  
  
Bow: Forget it. Let's just make another fire so we can eat something that's cooked!  
  
It's getting dark, so Kooper ends up needing Watt to help him aim. It takes a while, but soon a large fire is blazing a ways off from their shelter. They cook some rice, using the used peach can as a temporary "pot".  
  
Watt, Electrician: Finally, I get to do something!  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Goomba, Insurance Salesman: Our group is feeling pretty down. It's great that we won the challenge the other day, but it's finally dawned on us that we haven't eaten since we got here. The matches aren't much good for cooking until we have something to cook at all. We did make a nice fire though.  
  
Iggy: This fire is really great and all, but my stomach is still whining!  
  
Cobrat: Not as loud as you are, I'll bet.  
  
Spiny: At least we have water!  
  
Pidgit: What good is that unless we have food?  
  
Ludwig: Very good. It is possible to survive much longer without food than without water.  
  
Goomba: At least we won't be thirsty.  
  
Ludwig: Proper hydration is essential. It will certainly help, though not entirely replacing water.  
  
Spiny: I think somethin's wrong with Cheep Cheep.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Must. have. food.  
  
Cobrat: Huh? Are you all right?  
  
Goomba: Do Cheep Cheeps normally drool like that?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Ugh. So hungry.  
  
Dino Torch: That settles it. We need some food. Now. I think.  
  
Iggy: I can go look!  
  
Pidgit: I will too!  
  
Iggy and Pidgit leave. The remaining mass members stare at Cheep Cheep, who is twitching on the ground, and wonder what to do.  
  
Dino Torch: She doesn't look so good.  
  
Goomba: Why's she like that?  
  
Ludwig: Lack of nutrition, most likely.  
  
Cheep Cheep: .  
  
Dino Torch: .So.  
  
Spiny: what now?  
  
Cobrat: I guess we just wait for Pidgit and Iggy to come back.  
  
Spiny: This is boring. Iggy! Pidgit! Wait for me! I'm coming with you!  
  
Spiny runs off in the direction Iggy and Pidgit left in. The camera follows as he scurries as fast as his little legs can carry him.  
  
Spiny, Obstacle: It's *pant* not easy being *wheeze, gasp* small.  
  
Iggy: You know, I really hate this game. Not only do I get in trouble for trying to be helpful, and there's not even any food. All we get is a big box that won't open.  
  
Pidgit: Well, I'm sure things will get better.  
  
Iggy: Aww, nuts.  
  
Pidgit: What?  
  
Iggy: It's Spiny.  
  
Spiny: Hi guys! Why didn't you wait, didn't you hear me calling?  
  
Pidgit: No. We're still looking for food, so don't get in the way.  
  
Spiny: Yessir! I'll help all I can, sir!  
  
Pidgit: You're already in the way.  
  
Spiny: I'll stop it right away, Pidgit, sir!  
  
Iggy: *sigh*  
  
Spiny: Look! Over there! Yoshi Berries!  
  
Iggy and Pidgit: Where?  
  
Spiny: Over there, see?  
  
Looking, they see a huge bush of Yoshi Berries to their right.  
  
Iggy, Paperweight: Now, how did Spiny ever manage to spot those, when we've been looking here for at least five minutes already?  
  
All questions aside, they gather as many as they can and make a mental note of the area. They rush back to the campsite, with Spiny running ahead happily and humming some annoying song.  
  
Day 5  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Morning. Goombas and other nocturnal creatures hurry back to their hiding places as the sun begins to peek over the horizon. As the Paper Pack sleeps peacefully. As the cameraman wakes up, he realizes that he's left the camera running all night. He mumbles something about not getting paid enough, then curses upon realizing that he's just said that to all of the viewers and skims over the scene. It seems that a stranger has wandered into their campsite, as they are forewarned by a blood-curdling scream.  
  
Bow: Eeeeeeek!  
  
Kooper: Zzz.Wha?  
  
Bow: It's a .b-b-big. caterpillar!  
  
Watt: That's not a caterpillar, silly! It's a Wiggler!  
  
Bow: But it's a giant bug!  
  
Goombario: What's it doing?  
  
Bombette: I think it's kind of cute.  
  
Goombario: Cute or not, it's eating our food! Shoo, shoo! HEY!  
  
The Wiggler takes no notice, merely submerging farther into the bag of rice. It pulls its head out again and munches happily.  
  
Bow trembles off to the side as Kooper and Parakarry advance on the Wiggler. Sushie pats Bow's back in an attempt to calm her.  
  
Goombario: Careful! I read that those things are vicious when aroused!  
  
Sushie: Don't hurt it!  
  
Kooper: Don't worry. We're just going to scare it off.  
  
Watt, Electrician: Aww, cute caterpillar. I'd let it stay, but then we'd lose all of our food. Darn.  
  
As Kooper and Parakarry slowly approach, they take the utmost caution so as not to seem threatening. It probably wouldn't make any difference either way, seeing as its whole immediate world seems to revolve around the rice in front of it. It doesn't seem to notice them, or if it does, it doesn't care.  
  
Watt: You guys? Look out for that-  
  
But it's too late. Kooper doesn't see the rock on the ground, and stubs his foot on it. He doubles over and stumbles right in to the Wiggler. He winces, but it doesn't notice him at all.  
  
Kooper: Whew! I think it's safe. Now, if I can just.  
  
As Kooper begins to push the overgrown caterpillar away, Parakarry joins in too. The combined force of their pushing seems to annoy the Wiggler.  
  
Wiggler: Poink!  
  
Parakarry: What does that mean?  
  
Kooper: I don't know. Keep pushing.  
  
Goombario: No, stop!  
  
Again, the warning comes too late. They gives one last shove, and put a little too much energy into it. The Wiggler growls and suddenly turns from yellow to bright red. Its hat falls off and an expression of pure malice sweeps over its face. Startled by this new development, Kooper and Parakarry back off.  
  
Parakarry: G-Goombario? I don't like the look that thing is giving me.  
  
Kooper: At least it stopped eating...  
  
Bow: Aaah! Does it still look cute now, Bombette?  
  
Bombette: Well.  
  
Goombario: Aaah! Run for it!  
  
They don't need a warning in this time, and the whole mass begins to run away with the bright red Wiggler in hot pursuit.  
  
Sushie: Nice going, you two!  
  
Kooper: It wasn't my faaaaaaault!  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
As the same sun reaches the Mismatch campsite, all seems oddly quiet. The site is completely empty aside from the pile of losers, who have all huddled together for warmth, because they have still not put their newly obtained building supplies to use. Cheep Cheep seems to have returned to normal, and the rest of the mass are all still sleeping. When they finally do wake up much later, they are all strangely lethargic.  
  
Iggy, Paperweight: We brought the Yoshi Berries back, and Cheep Cheep ate all of them! I'm glad she's feeling better now, but I wish she'd saved some for us.  
  
Cobrat: Today is the big day. Today is the day we finally build some sort of shelter!  
  
Spiny: Hooray!  
  
Ludwig: Any objections to Cobrat's plan?  
  
All: No!  
  
Cheep Cheep: Then it's settled. The pile of stuff Iggy and I-  
  
Spiny: And Spiny!  
  
Cheep Cheep: ...and Spiny gathered is over there.  
  
Dino Torch: Can we do it later? I'm tired.  
  
Goomba: ZzzZzzZ.  
  
Pidgit: Someone should really. wake Dino Torch. *yawn*  
  
Iggy: Later sounds good.  
  
Cheep Cheep: What possible reason is there to wait? We should go now.  
  
Cobrat: I wonder why everyone's so tired?  
  
Ludwig: Insufficient amount of nutrition would be the most likely cause.  
  
Cobrat: Oh. Maybe we ought to go back to the berry bush and- HEY! Don't go to sleep!  
  
Strangely enough, four of the eight members seem to have drifted off during the last few dialogues. Pidgit has fallen to the ground, asleep. Iggy, Dino Torch and Goomba are sawing logs on the ground.  
  
Cobrat, Marksman: I'm not that boring. am I?  
  
Spiny: Why's everyone sleeping?  
  
Cheep Cheep: I'm not tired! Let's go get some food!  
  
Ludwig: Yes, let's.  
  
Cobrat: Well, they're not getting up any time soon.  
  
Spiny: I know where it is! Follow me!  
  
Ludwig, Genius: We're following Spiny? I suddenly feel unwell.  
  
Spiny: Come on, I know the way!  
  
A few minutes later.  
  
Spiny: See? We're here!  
  
Ludwig: Spiny, that's the mailbox, not the berry bush.  
  
Spiny: Mailbox, Yoshi Berry bush, same thing.  
  
Cheep Cheep, Athletic Swimmer: I guess we shouldn't blame him. I'll bet he really thinks they're one and the same.  
  
Cobrat: I wonder if we have any mail?  
  
Spiny: Oh, lookie! We do, we do!  
  
Spiny rummages around in the mailbox for a few seconds. A long time, considering that it's almost completely empty.  
  
Spiny: Wow, this is a big leaf. What's it say?  
  
Cheep Cheep: It's a poem. Must be about the next challenge.  
  
Yo! How goes the Survivor diet?  
  
Bet you wish you hadn't tried it.  
  
So we invite you, if you dare,  
  
To dine like kings, nothing's spared.  
  
If you're starving, be sure to come,  
  
Before to starvation you succumb.  
  
Spiny: Food!  
  
Cobrat: Sounds pretty fishy, if you ask me. Sorry, Cheep Cheep.  
  
Spiny: Will we halfta eat leaves?  
  
Ludwig: It's unclear. The leaf it's inscribed in would suggest that, yes. May I see it?  
  
Spiny: Oops, I thought you didn't want it.  
  
Cobrat: Where is it, then?  
  
Spiny: I ate it.  
  
Paper Pack  
  
It hours later, and the Paper Pack is still running away from the raging Wiggler, which they discover has a surprisingly high level of endurance. Curses and threats fly from the mass, but they don't dare slow down. A few of them are bruised or scratched, and Kooper is sporting a bite on his leg.  
  
Watt, Electrician: This *puff, puff* really *pant* stinks.  
  
Bow: That thing is evil!  
  
Bombette: I still think it looks cute.  
  
Parakarry: Well, you wouldn't if you were actually running like the rest of us, wouldn't you?!  
  
Bombette: But I can't run fast, and you get to fly!  
  
Parakarry: Doesn't mean I don't get tired!  
  
Kooper: Ahhhh! I want my mommy!  
  
Goombario: Maybe we can lose it!  
  
Bow: Great idea, but how?  
  
Goombario: Maybe if we lead it to the watering hole, we can jump in and it'll leave us alone.  
  
Sushie: Why, can't Wigglers swim?  
  
Goombario: I'm open to any other suggestions!  
  
Not being able to think of any, they continue running and veer off on the direction of the watering hole. It takes another fifteen minutes, but they do eventually find it again. They collapse into the water and try to make sure they don't sink. The Wiggler doesn't seem to like the water. It stands near the edge and waits for them to come out.  
  
Watt: It'll go away, won't it?  
  
Goombario: I don't know. Let's just wait.  
  
Kooper: My leg.  
  
Sushie: Let me see.  
  
Sushie swims over to examine Kooper's bitten leg while everyone else stares at the Wiggler, willing it to leave. It doesn't.  
  
Sushie: That bite is only superficial. I just hope it doesn't get infected.  
  
Kooper: Infected?  
  
Bow: Oh yes. Do you have any idea of how many germs and bacteria are just floating around this place?  
  
Kooper: N-no, I didn't.  
  
Hours pass, and the enraged Wiggler shows no signs of growing bored. The day passes slowly, very slowly.  
  
Bow: As of today, I officially HATE all bugs.  
  
Bombette: I thought you already did.  
  
Bow: But now I loathe them.  
  
Bombette: Ahh.  
  
Parakarry: This is really annoying. Is anyone else here getting hungry?  
  
Sushie: Now that you mention it, yeah, I am.  
  
Watt: I'm tired of hiding from the mean old Wiggler!  
  
Bombette: Yeah.  
  
Goombario: You guys want to make a run for it?  
  
All but Goombario: YES!  
  
Goombario: All right, on the count of three, we run like all heck. 1, 2, 3!  
  
And so they do. But, having nowhere else to hide, they end up slowly losing ground to the never tiring Wiggler.  
  
Kooper: Think we can attack it? You know, scare it away?  
  
Sushie: It's worth a try.  
  
After several failed attempts to scare it away by water assault, head bonking, shell shooting, electricity and explosions, they finally just stop, dumbfounded that their strongest attacks haven't done a thing. They are soon trampled under the many feet of the Wiggler for their stupidity.  
  
Watt: Owie.  
  
Goombario: That smarts!  
  
A few more complaints are issued. They're just about sure they're done for when the Wiggler stops charging. It resumes its normal color and dim expression and wanders off, apparently finally losing interest. The pack collapses in a heap and stays there, not wanting to move at all.  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Dino Torch: While a few of us were sleeping, Ludwig, Cobrat, Cheep Cheep and Spiny found some mail. Or at least, they say they did, but they didn't come back with anything.  
  
Goomba: So tell me again. We got a big leaf in the mail, and it told us about the next reward challenge?  
  
Spiny: Yeah, it said something about kings and dinner.  
  
Cobrat: Uh, Cheep Cheep?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Something about a challenge involving food.  
  
Dino Torch: Food?  
  
Ludwig: Correct, though I believe there was possibly something that the letter didn't mention.  
  
Iggy: Like what?  
  
Ludwig: I don't know, as Spiny consumed the leaf before I could thoroughly examine it.  
  
Pidgit: I'm hungry enough to eat anything right now.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Even toxic waste? Dust bunnies? That stuff that builds up underneath the fridge?  
  
Pidgit: Well, uh.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Didn't think so.  
  
Spiny: Let's sing a song!  
  
Goomba: Let's not!  
  
Spiny: Aww.  
  
Cobrat: I guess we should practice eating disgusting foods, then?  
  
Pidgit: How can we do that when we haven't got any food in the first place?  
  
Cobrat: That is a problem.  
  
There stand there, thinking. One by one, every eye shifts towards the big box, which remains unopened as it has from the beginning of the show.  
  
Ludwig: I would assume that there is some foodstuff in there.  
  
Spiny: What's foodstuff?  
  
Goomba: Let's give it another try.  
  
Dino Torch: FLAMEBROIL, ROAST, BURN, BLAZE!  
  
Iggy: He's freaky.  
  
Dino Torch again charges at the crate in an all out flame frenzy, but the box is still unharmed and he ends up bonking into the side of it.  
  
Dino Torch: Ouch.  
  
Finally taking the time to look at it more closely, Ludwig notices something.  
  
Ludwig: What's that?  
  
Cobrat: It's some sort of tab.  
  
Spiny: Pull it pull it pull it!  
  
Ludwig does, causing the box's top to flip open and off, revealing the contents. Eight orange yellow bandanas, a large tin of rice and a first aid kit lay neatly packed and folded, as if the box itself hadn't already been tossed and tipped countless times.  
  
Cheep Cheep, Athletic Swimmer: I don't believe it. We spent all that time trying to open that box by force, when there was a tab we could have just pulled the whole time?!  
  
They stare for a full few minutes before pouncing on the rice, hastily making a fire and enjoying the first actual food (besides the berries, of course) in days.  
  
Reward Challenge  
  
The Mismatch Mass has gathered at the location of the challenge. They wait, but the Paper Pack doesn't show up for a long while. Finally, an hour late, they finally show up. They are battered and bruised, but none the less determined as they trudge towards the others.  
  
Lemmy: Finally, you're all here!  
  
Bow: No one told us about any reward challenge today!  
  
Lemmy: Well, it's not my fault you didn't check you mail, is it now.  
  
Parakarry: We get mail here?  
  
Lemmy: Mismatch Mass, if you will kindly wake your members, we can continue.  
  
Most of the Mismatch Mass has fallen asleep, and Ludwig and Spiny have a hard time shaking them awake. Finally, the whole mass stares at Lemmy blankly. It's not entirely clear whether they're paying attention or not, but Lemmy continues.  
  
Lemmy: Right. You're all gathered here because you want to win this reward challenge. You're hungry. You're tired. But this is relatively easy, so just try to stay conscious long enough to. Ludwig?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Wake up!  
  
Ludwig: Zzz- huh?  
  
Lemmy: Ahh, the famous "Icky food challenge." If you turn around, you'll notice a big wheel, similar to one you might expect to see on the Wheel of Fortune. This wheel, however, has not numbers but names, types of food, to be exact. You'll spin it once and eat whatever the wheel stops at. If you're lucky, it won't be disgustingly gross. Paper Pack, you're short one member, so someone's going to have to go twice. The first one to refuse to eat what they get automatically loses the challenge for their mass. Everyone understand?  
  
Spiny: No.  
  
Lemmy: Great. What you're playing for is this: a map that'll lead you to a good food source.  
  
Lemmy hold up the map. The Mismatch Mass gazes in reverent awe, whereas the Paper Pack suddenly seems unsure, remembering their past experiences with the map.  
  
Lemmy: First up is Goombario. Spin the wheel.  
  
Goombario takes a tentative step towards the giant wheel, then spins it as hard as he can. It spins for a while before landing on "sewage water." He takes a deep breath and guzzles the glass Lemmy hands him, returning to his mass's line-up.  
  
Lemmy: Next is Iggy.  
  
Iggy tries to appear confident as he walks up and whacks the wheel. As he nurses his throbbing hand, it shifts a few inches over to "frog eyes". He nearly faints, but manages to choke them down and leaves.  
  
Lemmy: Kooper, it's your turn.  
  
Kooper walks up and gives the wheel a kick. It lands on "turkey feet." Fortunately, Kooper has no idea what a turkey is and has no trouble finding room in his stomach.  
  
Lemmy: Come on, Ludwig.  
  
Ludwig smirks as he strides over and spins the wheel, which lands on "Koopa Fruit". He holds his nose and mutters something about chocolate as he forces it down.  
  
Ludwig: Oh, disgusting.  
  
Lemmy: Parakarry!  
  
Parakarry flies over and spins the wheel as hard as he can. The wheel edges over about two spaces and lands on "worms." He gags as he tries to swallow the three he is given whole, but ends up having to chew them before he can finish. He looks queasy as he returns to the Paper Pack.  
  
Lemmy: Spiny, get over there.  
  
Spiny scampers up to the wheel eagerly, but stops and stares at it with a very confused expression. After Lemmy re-explains how to use the wheel (twice), he happily gobbles down his food, which turns out to be raw egg.  
  
Lemmy: .Bow.  
  
Things continue on like this. Bow gives the wheel a spin and winces as she nearly chokes on her snack, a live cockroach. Pidgit rejoices as he receives a chocolate bar. Watt shudders as she struggles not to bring the mouldy bread back up. Cobrat dutifully eats his dirt, whereas Sushie is pleasantly surprised by a slice of watermelon.  
  
Things continue on like this until Cheep Cheep's turn comes around. She spins the wheel bravely, and a gasp resounds from the mismatch match as the pointer lands on "lox".  
  
Cheep Cheep: You expect me to eat another fish?!  
  
Lemmy: Well, er.  
  
Cheep Cheep: I'm not eating that.  
  
Lemmy: The reward depends on it, Cheep Cheep. You either eat it, or the Paper Pack wins.  
  
Cheep Cheep: I.I can't.  
  
Lemmy: Victory to Paper Pack! Here's your prize.  
  
Lemmy hands the map to Kooper, who quickly runs off with it before the rest of the pack can get in another word edgewise. He scurries away with his whole mass in hot pursuit. The Mismatch Mass applauds politely (excluding Spiny, who doesn't seem to have grasped the concept and has started up with yet another annoying song).  
  
Day 6  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: For those of you who came in late, we just won our first challenge! It wasn't for immunity, but it'll sure help our morale.  
  
Bombette: Yah! And we still have tonight to look forward to!  
  
Kooper: What, you're happy about the immunity challenge?  
  
Bombette: Yep! We'll beat the Mismatch Mass so bad they'll be hurting for weeks!  
  
Bow: Yeah!  
  
Watt: Um, can we eat some rice? My stomach is making funny noises.  
  
Bow: It's growling, Watt. Growling.  
  
Watt: Yeah, my stomach's growling.  
  
Bombette: I thought you didn't like rice.  
  
Watt: After yesterday's mouldy bread, rice doesn't seem so bad.  
  
Sushie: Food sounds good.  
  
Parakarry: I could use a good breakfast!  
  
Kooper: I'm starved!  
  
Goombario, Journalist: Doesn't anyone think about anything other than food? *Gurgle*  
  
Goombario: Me too! I'm hungry!  
  
Parakarry cooks some rice, and they each enjoy a cup full of it. Where they found the cups is a mystery event to me.  
  
Goombario: Maybe we should use that map to find the food?  
  
Parakarry: Good idea. Where is it, by the way?  
  
Sushie: I thought you had it.  
  
Parakarry: But I thought Watt had it!  
  
Watt: I gave it to Bow!  
  
Bow: And I last saw Kooper with it.  
  
Kooper: *whistles*  
  
Goombario: Kooper, what did you do with the map we won yesterday?  
  
Kooper: Well, uh, you know how you told me to make a fire?  
  
Goombario: Yeah. Wait a minute. You didn't!  
  
Kooper: I didn't mean to! It fell in while I was adding kindling!  
  
Bombette: You mean I ate that rock for nothing?!  
  
Kooper: Well, not nothing. We do have a nice fire now.  
  
Goombario: You'd just better be glad that we already have some food.  
  
Kooper: Sorry.  
  
Sushie: It all right, I'm sure you didn't-  
  
Bow: We worked hard for that map!  
  
Parakarry, Mailman: And to think, I had to eat worms for a map that we don't even have anymore.  
  
Kooper; Now, guys. I'm sure we can think of an excellent way to solve this. preferably blood-free.  
  
Watt: What does "preferably" mean?  
  
Parakarry: I'll tell you later, Watt.  
  
Bow: Grrr.  
  
As the mass advances, Kooper, who had been slowly backing up the whole time, begins to run all-out. Sushie stays behind and shakes her head sadly, while Watt just looks confused. The rest of the mass chases Kooper into the forest, from which exaggerated war cries and high-pitched yelps are heard.  
  
Watt, Electrician: What just happened?  
  
Guy: Hi!  
  
Watt: Oh, it's you again.  
  
Guy: Where's the rest of you lot?  
  
Sushie: none of your business!  
  
Guy: All right then. Here's the poem about the immunity challenge tonight.  
  
The clouds are brewing; you'll soon be wet.  
  
Stay inside and you'll be set.  
  
But the challenge takes place even in the rain.  
  
So get ready or you'll loose again!  
  
Stack the mushrooms; make a tower.  
  
Be the first ones to make it out of the shower!  
  
Watt: It's going to rain?  
  
Looking up, Watt and Sushie see that there are indeed a number of dark clouds in the air, which didn't seem to be there before. The clouds are sodden with rain; it says so in the script.  
  
Sushie: Oh. Thank you!  
  
Guy: Hope it helped.  
  
The Guy leaves.  
  
Sushie, Nanny: It didn't.  
  
Mismatch mass  
  
Cheep Cheep: I'm sorry, guys.  
  
Iggy: What's she sorry for? If it'd been me, I wouldn't have eaten that icky lox either.  
  
Cobrat: You did your best. We all did.  
  
Pidgit: Well, that was just cruel anyways.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Aww, really?  
  
Ludwig: Of course. I'd have consumed it, but that is only my preference.  
  
Goomba: But it was your fault that we lost!  
  
Cheep Cheep: But.  
  
Goomba: You could have just tried to imagine it was something else. You ever heard the expression, "Just grin and bear it"?  
  
Dino Torch: It wasn't her fault, stupid!  
  
Goomba looks about to disagree, when he notices the steam puffing out of Dino Torch's nostrils, after which he backs off timidly.  
  
Cobrat: Let's change the subject. There's still a pile of logs and things we could put to good use.  
  
Ludwig, Genius: All right, so we have not followed through with our plans to construct a shelter as of yet.  
  
Pidgit: Yeah!  
  
Goomba: Meh, why not?  
  
Goomba, Insurance Salesman: I guess I'm in no position to complain right now.  
  
With Ludwig instructing the others, the Mismatch Mass begins to dismantle the pile and build a shelter. Pidgit begins by transporting things with his carpet to and from the ground. After a while, he seems to think this slow and begins, much to the surprise of the others, to move them without any physical means at all. It takes all of them (but Iggy, who seems to have grasped the whole thing better than anyone else, somehow) a few minutes to realize that it's Pidgit that's making the logs fly around, but after the initial confusion they presume the building. It takes the whole day, but they've eventually constructed a big, round. something. It appears to be a large, black dome shape.  
  
Ludwig: Isn't it magnificent?  
  
Spiny: Yeah! What is it?  
  
Ludwig: It is a waterproof, aerodynamic, self-air-conditioning, independent multi-level indoor complex, designed and copyrighted by me!  
  
Dino Torch, Pyromaniac: That's just sad.  
  
Cobrat: Uh, let's just call it our dome, ok?  
  
Ludwig: If it better suits the individual need of the mass members, then so be it.  
  
Spiny: Wow! A big dome thing!  
  
Iggy: It looks pretty cool.  
  
Pidgit: I don't care what it look like, I just want see what it's like inside!  
  
They all stampede into the big dome structure, amazed at the luxurious décor and spacious rooms. Pidgit immediately makes his way upstairs with Cheep Cheep, who discovers a large fish tank and stares at it bemusedly. Iggy, Goomba and Spiny rush to the TV set. Ludwig and Cobrat step into the kitchen, while Dino Torch amuses himself by playing with the electric stove.  
  
Iggy: Wow, this place even has an N64!  
  
Spiny: Cool! I get the first controller!  
  
Iggy: No, I do!  
  
Goomba: You're both wrong. I get the first controller.  
  
Spiny: MEEEE!  
  
In the next room.  
  
Dino Torch: Wow, Ludwig! How'd you (flick) ever figure out how to (flick) make all of this (flick, flick) neat stuff?  
  
Cobrat: Stop playing with the stove.  
  
Ludwig: It's all built with bamboo, brilliantly altered to the point of electric capacity and shiny metal-like surface.  
  
Ludwig, Genius: Actually, I stole it from the producer, but they don't need to know that.  
  
Cobrat: Wow, you're smart.  
  
Dino Torch: Yeah Ludwig (flick), that's really (flick, flick) ingenious of you, to be able to (flick)-  
  
Cobrat: Stop playing with that stove, will you?!  
  
  
  
Immunity Challenge  
  
The masses are once again assembled. As the poem had predicted, it's pouring rain, and everyone is sopping wet. Two very annoyed masses scowl at Lemmy, clad in a nice dry poncho, as he clears his throat to speak.  
  
Lemmy: Mismatch Mass, I need you to hand over the Immunity Idol.  
  
Spiny: No! It's mine!  
  
Dino Torch wrestles with Spiny for a bit before retrieving the Idol and handing it to Lemmy.  
  
Lemmy: Thank you. I guess you've noticed that it's raining?  
  
Goombario: Thank you, Mr. Observant.  
  
Lemmy: This task is simple. Over there is a small cliff, with two indentations, which are each large enough to hold an entire mass. Using those mushroom blocks over there, get your whole mass in to one of the caves. That's it! Now, this is for immunity. Losers ready? Go!  
  
And they're off. The Paper Pack is off to a rough start; literally tripping over themselves in their eagerness, and the Mismatch mass is the first to get to their area off the cliff. There they find five mushroom blocks (Think SMB 2). The cliff itself, while already fairly high, is even more difficult to scale being that it is a sheer drop from top to bottom. In other words, the cliff is flat as a wall, with few ledges.  
  
As the Paper Pack manages to finally get over to their area, the Mismatch Mass already has a head start an has begun to pile the blocks into the vertical stack, with Pidgit placing the uppermost blocks as it becomes higher. The Paper Pack, when they catch up, seems to have a different approach and stack their blocks in to a pyramid, allowing them to easily climb up to the top. However, their pyramid is now considerably shorter than the Mismatch Mass's stack.  
  
Dino Torch: Good, our pile is higher than theirs!  
  
Cobrat: One problem, hothead.  
  
Dino Torch: What?  
  
Pidgit: You guys can't reach the top!  
  
Spiny: Uh-oh!  
  
As the Mismatch Mass begins to use Pidgit's carpet for an easy (but slow, as he can only carry one at a time) ride to the top, the Paper Pack is trying to form a stack of players at the top point of their pyramid. Kooper stands on the bottom and breathes heavily as Goombario and Sushie try to balance on top of him. Much closer to the indent/cave now, Parakarry hoists Bombette to the top.  
  
Kooper: What's happening up there?  
  
Sushie: Bombette is trying to jump up into the cave!  
  
Goombario: Are we that close?  
  
Sushie: Almost. I think Watt and Bow are already up there.  
  
Kooper: Well, hurry it up! I'm getting squashed down here!  
  
The Mismatch Mass now has a few members up to the cavern, but in their haste to make it they accidentally knock over their stack of mushroom blocks. They struggle to catch up to the Paper Pack, which now has over half of their members safely up to the small cave. Bow and Watt help to pull up Bombette, who in turn tries her best to do the same even though she doesn't have arms. And as if that wasn't already hard enough, the rain makes everything slippery and they keep needing to grab multiple times before successfully doing so.  
  
Cobrat: Pile those blocks!  
  
Goomba: We're trying!  
  
Iggy: Hurry, hurry, we're losing!  
  
Spiny: Wheee!  
  
Goomba: Don't forget about me!  
  
The Mismatch Mass tries their best to regain their lost ground, but it seems hopeless. The Paper Pack now has only Goombario and Kooper to get to the cave, while the Mismatch Mass only has three: Ludwig, Spiny and Cheep Cheep, who have been airlifted by Pidgit. As Parakarry struggles to lift Goombario up, Kooper waits anxiously for his turn.  
  
Finally, in a last desperate attempt to stall for time, Iggy picks up Goomba and throws him at the Paper Pack's mushroom block pyramid. Goomba hits dead on and the pyramid comes toppling down with Kooper still standing on it. The Mismatch Mass cheers, but their happiness is short-lived. Parakarry, Bow and Watt float down and manage, with some difficulty, to lift Kooper to the cavern.  
  
Goomba: Oww.  
  
Lemmy: Victory to the Paper Pack!  
  
Lemmy hands the plastic Wiggler model to the Paper Pack, who jump for joy, then slip in the mud and fall in a large puddle upon landing. The Mismatch Mass pauses only to point and laugh before they too, leave. Both masses are sopping wet.  
  
Lemmy: Mismatch Mass! I'll see you tonight for Mass Massacre!  
  
Mass Massacre  
  
Lemmy: Well, well, well. Mismatch Mass, this is Mass Massacre. It's not a nice place, and you want to keep away from here as often as you can help it. But, since you've lost the challenge, you're here anyway, and this means that you will have to vote out one of your members. The staffs behind you are what symbolize you, as a part of the mass. If you are voted off, you will leave by way of the enormous cannon behind me.  
  
Ludwig: Odd, I did not observe that cannon before now.  
  
Lemmy: Does anyone have anything they'd like to say, any words of wisdom they've gained over the past few days?  
  
Spiny: Bamboo!  
  
Dino Torch: Watching the clouds get boring after the fifth consecutive hour.  
  
Lemmy: I can see how that might make sense. So Cheep Cheep, do you feel in any way responsible for the loss of the reward challenge?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Well, yes, I guess.  
  
Lemmy: That's it?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Well, what did you expect?  
  
Lemmy: I don't know.  
  
Goomba: I'm getting very annoyed because no one's paying any attention to me!  
  
Dino Torch: Sorry, did you say something?  
  
Goomba: Stupid dinosaur.  
  
Spiny: Bamboo!  
  
Lemmy: One at a time, you will each have to go to the confession booth and make you vote. Any questions?  
  
Spiny: Bamboo!  
  
Lemmy: Iggy, you go first.  
  
Iggy goes to vote. Tense, pulsing music plays.  
  
Iggy: My vote goes to Ludwig, just because he annoys me and I can't think of another reason.  
  
Lemmy: Ludwig, you next.  
  
Ludwig goes to vote.  
  
Lemmy: Next- Aww, just go in the order that you're sitting in.  
  
Spiny goes to vote.  
  
Spiny: Bamboo!  
  
Pidgit goes to vote.  
  
Cobrat goes to vote.  
  
Cobrat: I formed a really quick alliance with Ludwig on the way here, so my vote goes to Goomba.  
  
Dino Torch goes to vote.  
  
Goomba goes to vote.  
  
Goomba: I vote for Spiny, because he acts so immature.  
  
Cheep Cheep goes to vote.  
  
Cheep Cheep: You are. the weakest link! Goodbye!  
  
Lemmy: I'll go tally the votes. Once they have been read, the decision is final, and you will either climb into the cannon peacefully or I'll use my magical host's powers to force you in.  
  
Lemmy leaves and returns momentarily with the voting bucket. He reaches in and begins unfolding the votes, reading them as he goes.  
  
Lemmy: The first vote goes to. Goomba. The second vote. Ludwig. The third vote. Goomba. The fourth vote. Goomba. The fifth vote. Cheep Cheep. The sixth vote. Spiny. The seventh vote. Goomba. That's four out of seven votes, Goomba.  
  
Goomba: Drat.  
  
Lemmy: Please retrieve your staff, Goomba.  
  
Goomba: Fine. Here.  
  
Lemmy: Now, you get the pleasure of cracking this over the head of whoever you feel was most responsible for voting you off. You can do that now.  
  
Goomba marches up to Iggy and whacks him over the head with his staff. Iggy falls over, unconscious, and Goomba returns to Lemmy.  
  
Lemmy: Now, get in the cannon.  
  
Goomba: I will, but I won't like it!  
  
Lemmy: Goomba, the mass has spoken.  
  
Lemmy lights the fuse. The cannon explodes with the force of a small supernova, sending Goomba somewhere over the pink horizon. After watching Goomba sail away, Lemmy turns back around and smiles.  
  
Lemmy: Hey, you've made it through your first Mass Massacre! You can go now!  
  
As the Mismatch Mass begins to leave, it starts to rains again and they are soon sopping wet. Spiny sticks out his tongue at the camera, and the credits roll.  
  
Goomba, Insurance Salesman, on being voted off: Why me? Why did I have to be the second one voted off? Oh sure, it's always the Goomba. No one cares about me. I've been around since Mario's first game and I am STILL the most neglected baddie out there. This cannot continue, do you hear me?! It will not, and I will personally-  
  
Who voted for who?  
  
Iggy: Ludwig (annoys him)  
  
Ludwig: Goomba (allied with Cobrat)  
  
Spiny: Goomba (bamboo (?))  
  
Pidgit: Spiny (just annoying)  
  
Cobrat: Goomba (allied with Ludwig)  
  
Dino Torch: Cheep Cheep (random vote)  
  
Goomba: Spiny (acts immature)  
  
Cheep Cheep: Goomba (weakest link) 


	4. Days 7-9

Survivor II, Days 7-9  
  
By Rachelle  
  
Day 7  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Morning. The annoyingly chipper birds are well into their irritatingly cheerful song, which is most likely the reason that absolutely none of them are within eyesight. The Paper Pack has gathered around their fire pit, and Goombario is attempting to light a fire. After a few failed attempts, a pitiful little flame has sparked, which gradually grows with some intense blowing. Parakarry turns around, apparently irritated with the cameraman.  
  
Parakarry, Mailman: Why are you here again? Go away.  
  
Goombario: Why is the camera guy here so early?  
  
Parakarry: Beats me. He won't go away.  
  
Bow: That's why it's called a reality show, stupid! If there wasn't at least one camera watching our every move at all times then the show couldn't air!  
  
Watt: Oh. Let's have breakfast!  
  
So they do. After another brief session of shell-to-can bashing (Kooper's), they open another can to find.  
  
Kooper: Canned potatoes? I didn't know they could do that!  
  
Goombario: Well, they can.  
  
Watt: Who can?  
  
Goombario: Uh, er, I am not at liberty to say.  
  
Bombette: Sure.  
  
Parakarry: Do these things need to be cooked?  
  
Kooper: Who cares? I'm hungry!  
  
Acting, for some reason, on Kooper's advice, they eat the potatoes uncooked, never mind that they've just spent a good thirty minutes attempting to get a fire going. They make good use of the can by turning it into another cup, seeming to forget that they already have more than enough of them.  
  
Goombario: You know that Wiggler that chased us the other day?  
  
Bow: If you must mention that disgusting creature, don't do it in front of me!  
  
Bombette: It was cute!  
  
Watt: Yeah, 'till it turned all red and evil looking.  
  
Bow: Grr.  
  
Goombario: Yeah, well. Disgusting or not, that thing ate a good third of our rice!  
  
Watt: I don't like rice anyway.  
  
Goombario: So you'd rather starve, then.  
  
Watt: Um, I dunno. Does starving hurt?  
  
Bow: I wouldn't know. I don't need to eat, mwahahahaaa!  
  
Sushie: maybe we should be more careful with our food.  
  
Bow: It probably doesn't matter.  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: If they all starve to death, then I'll win! Oh, wait. That wouldn't work.  
  
Watt: Can we play a game?  
  
Kooper: What kind of game?  
  
Watt: I dunno, like maybe tag or something.  
  
Bow: That's boring. Let's play truth or dare!  
  
Watt: I don't like that game.  
  
Bow: Well, maybe we could- Hey, what's Kooper doing?  
  
The pack turns to look at Kooper, who is busily etching words in the dirt with a stick. He appears deep in thought.  
  
Watt: It looks like he's drawing in the sand.  
  
Bow: Duh. I mean, what's he writing?  
  
Sushie: Maybe the heat's getting to him.  
  
Parakarry: It's not especially hot. Maybe he's keeping a diary.  
  
Goombario: It's not going to be very private then, is it?  
  
Bombette: Especially when the letters are that big.  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: I hate it when they talk as if I'm not here.  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Back at camp Mismatch, all is well beneath the artificial light and soothing air-conditioning of the Dome. Spiny and Iggy are in a heated Smash Bros. battle. Dino Torch is watching. The others are all somewhere else in the dome.  
  
Spiny: HA! I win!  
  
Iggy: Do not! I was Link, remember?  
  
Spiny: /Nooo/, I was Link. You were Kirby.  
  
Spiny: Nuh-uh!  
  
Iggy: Dino Torch, I was Link, right?  
  
Dino Torch: Dino Torch isn't here right now.  
  
Iggy: Er, see? He agrees with me.  
  
Spiny: But, but. Aw.  
  
Iggy: Hahaha! Who's laughing now?  
  
Spiny: Um. Dino Torch?  
  
Dino Torch: I'm not Dino Torch!  
  
Iggy: Right, and I'm not a Koopaling.  
  
Dino Torch: Eeheheee.  
  
Spiny: I don't like that look he's got.  
  
Iggy: Fine. Who are you, then?  
  
Dino Torch: This is Harvey. Dino Torch is busy.  
  
Spiny: Ludwiiiiiiiiiig! Dino Torch is scaring meeee!  
  
Ludwig (from the next room): Vot is it?  
  
Spiny: Dino Torch is looking at me funny and he says he's Harvey!  
  
Dino Torch: I told you already, /Dino Torch is not here!/  
  
Ludwig and Cobrat enter, followed by Pidgit. They wait a few seconds for Cheep Cheep, who flops out momentarily shovelling some kind of food in her face.  
  
Cheep Cheep, Athletic Swimmer: What? I was hungry! I shouldn't think that's being unreasonable seeing as we just spent the last 6 days in the forest!  
  
Cobrat, Marksman: We're still in the forest, ya dolt.  
  
Ludwig: Vot is the problem?  
  
Spiny: Stop the funny accent! Dino Torch is acting funny.  
  
Ludwig: It isn't a funny accent! It is dignified.  
  
Spiny: Whatever you call it.  
  
Dino Torch: How many times do I have to !@#$%!@# tell you, I'm Harvey!  
  
Iggy: .That's not like him.  
  
Ludwig: Perhaps Dino Torch is suffering from MPD?  
  
Cobrat: What's that?  
  
Ludwig: Multiple Personality Disorder. It is when someone appears to have more than one personality, possibly each with a different name.  
  
Dino Torch, Pyromaniac: Why don't they just listen? I'm Harvey!  
  
Cheep Cheep: You need to sleep. Why don't you just go upstairs and lie-  
  
Dino Torch: Noooooo!  
  
This continues for a while. Dino Torch continues to argue that his new name is Harvey while the others try to convince him that he's gone nuts. After a little while, he begins to get violent, after which Cheep Cheep conks him over the head for fear of the beautiful dome decor getting scorched.  
  
Dino Torch: Y'know, I suddenly feel really tired. Zzz.  
  
Cobrat: That was easy.  
  
Iggy: So Dino Torch is a schitzo?  
  
Ludwig: No, he probably has MPD. A schizophrenic is someone who hears voices.  
  
Pidgit, Airline Pilot: I hate this show.  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Kooper: See? I'm writing a message in the sand so that if anyone is flying by they'll notice it.  
  
Goombario: Why would you want that?  
  
Kooper: So they can rescue me from you guys.  
  
Bombette: Aww, we're not /that/ bad.  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: But I am! MWAhahahahahahahahaha *hack, cough* .ha.  
  
Kooper: I need some help here. How do you spell "inhumane torture"?  
  
Goombario: I-n-h-u. hey! What are you talking about?  
  
Kooper: Well, it's what you guys are.  
  
Bow: Ooh, burn!  
  
Sushie: He meant you too, stupid.  
  
Watt: This is boring.  
  
Parakarry: You know, you're really getting annoying. Every day all I hear is "This is boring!" or "Let's do something fun!" from you. Guess what? It's boring here. GET USED TO IT!  
  
Bow: Couldn't have said it better myself.  
  
Watt: Wahhhh! You're both so mean!  
  
Bombette: That wasn't very nice, you two!  
  
Bow: Well it's true.  
  
Watt, Electrician: *sniff* It is not! I don't say that every day. Bow's only on his side 'cuz they're in some sort of alliance thingy. What's an alliance?  
  
Sushie: Maybe we should find some food or something.  
  
Watt: That's all we ever do!  
  
Bow: See? What'd I tell you?  
  
Watt: .But that's ok with me because I like checking the mail!  
  
Sushie: Is anyone else coming?  
  
Bombette: I will!  
  
Sushie, Watt and Bombette leave.  
  
Parakarry: Maybe I was too hard on Watt. I didn't mean to yell, I just sort of snapped.  
  
Bow: No, no, she deserved it.  
  
Parakarry: I dunno. Maybe I should apologize.  
  
Kooper: How do you spell-  
  
Goombario: Maybe we should discuss who we're voting off if we lose. This is a good time, what with the other three away.  
  
Parakarry: Well, Watt was being a little bit-  
  
Bow: Watt.  
  
Kooper: Bombette's annoying me.  
  
Goombario: I was thinking that maybe Sushie won't be as strong in challenges.  
  
Bow: Why not?  
  
Goombario: Well, she's got sort of a soft spot.  
  
Bow: Nonsense. Watt's a whining brat.  
  
Goombario: Are you kidding? She only whined maybe. twice, and you're getting mad. It's not her fault she gets bored easy.  
  
Bow: Who's side are you on?  
  
Kooper: Maybe your behaviour could possibly persuade a certain group of people to unexpectedly change their votes.  
  
Bow: Well, I, er.  
  
Watt: We're baaa-aack!  
  
Bombette: There wasn't any mail.  
  
Sushie: But we found some nice sticks! I thought maybe we could add them to our hut or something.  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: Ooh, if only I wasn't on public television.  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
It's getting dark, but the mass is playing outside anyhow. Dino Torch is still 'sleeping' inside. Pidgit is trying to find "Those annoying crickets" with little success, though he's managed to discover a few nice rocks.  
  
Pidgit: Ahh, where are they?! That chirping is driving me nuts!  
  
Spiny: Whee, volleyball is fun!  
  
Cobrat: But where'd the volleyball and net come from?  
  
Iggy: Your guess is as good as ours. They'll probably be gone by tomorrow.  
  
Ludwig: We should head towards the Waterproof, Aerodynamic, Self-air- conditioning, Independent Multi-level Indoor Complex ©.  
  
Spiny: That's too hard. Can't we just call it our Dome?  
  
Ludwig: If it is more convenient. But as I was saying, we should acquire some rest.  
  
Cheep Cheep: You can if you want. I want to watch TV when we go back in!  
  
Ludwig: I'm afraid that is not impossible until tomorrow. The Dome's electricity is solar powered, and can therefore not successfully generate the needed electrical power between the hours of 20:00 and 07:00 hours in our current time zone.  
  
Spiny: Huh?  
  
Ludwig: It can work only during the day.  
  
Spiny: Aww. Well, do we have to go inside? I'm sure volleyball is just as much fun in the dark.  
  
Pidgit: Aughhhh! Where are those crickets?!  
  
Ludwig: I do not trust this place. There could possibly be unfriendly natives.  
  
Cobrat: I guess he's right. Let's go inside. You too, Pidgit.  
  
Pidgit: But those crickets will keep me awake all night!  
  
Spiny: Nah, they're too stupid to do anything besides chirp.  
  
Pidgit: I rest my case.  
  
Spiny: What case?  
  
Pidgit: Never mind.  
  
After a few minutes of trying to find the front door (it's gotten quite dark in the last few minutes), the Paper Pack enters their Dome. Unfortunately, it's just about as dark inside as out, if not darker.  
  
Cheep Cheep: How are we supposed to find our way upstairs? I can't even see you guys, let alone the staircase.  
  
Pidgit: Oww!  
  
Cobrat: What's wrong?  
  
Pidgit: I think I just flew in to the wall.  
  
Ludwig: Are you all right?  
  
Pidgit: Yeah. I landed on something soft.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Yeah, me!  
  
Spiny: Ha ha! *Bonk* Ow! Pidgit, that wasn't nice!  
  
Pidgit: What are you talking about? I'm over here.  
  
Spiny: Then who just hit me?  
  
???: BOO!  
  
Spiny: EEEEK! Who's there?  
  
???: Hahahahaha! I wish I could have seen the look on your face!  
  
Cobrat: I just wish I could see. Is that you, Dino Torch?  
  
Dino Torch: NO! This is Harvey.  
  
Pidgit: Er, yeah. Think you can help us find our way upstairs?  
  
Dino Torch: Yeah! I can see in the dark!  
  
Iggy: Good. Take us upstairs!  
  
Day 8  
  
Paper Pack  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: Ahh, just another picture-perfect day here is the general area of absolutely nowhere somehow positioned smack dab in the middle of the Forever Forest! I love it here! The sun, the trees, the rabies-infested rodents scurrying around, all topped off with a great big smile! Yes, I love the world! Do you need a hug?  
  
Cameraman: No, I do not.  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: Well that's ok, because everything is hunky dory and I am HAPPY! Aww, hello there!  
  
Kooper crouches down as is to talk to something.  
  
Kooper: You look like you're enjoying the sun! Are you one vacation? Really? Me too!  
  
Bow: Kooper, why are you hugging a pinecone?  
  
Kooper: Shh! Don't listen to that over toned Boo. There is nothing wrong with you, DO YOU HEAR ME?!  
  
Bow: Eh???  
  
Parakarry: What's with him?  
  
Watt: Whatcha got there, Kooper?  
  
Kooper: You wouldn't understand.  
  
Watt: Ooh, pretty pinecone. Can I see?  
  
Kooper: Hm. I guess. Here. Treat it with the utmost respect.  
  
Watt: Yup. Hey, do you think there's any nutritional value in there things?  
  
Kooper (Snatching away the pinecone): How DARE you?  
  
Goombario: Yo!  
  
Kooper: HEY! Don't you "yo" me. That's never going to make up for what you did!  
  
(All stare suspiciously at Goombario.)  
  
Watt: Goombario?  
  
Goombario: I have no idea what he's talking about.  
  
Kooper: Don't lie to me! *Sob* I know what your Great-Great-Great Cousin's Aunt's Niece's Brother's Aunt did last winter!  
  
Bombette (trying to pry the pinecone away from Kooper): Maybe we should. just. take. the pinecone.  
  
Kooper: Nooo! Never!  
  
Eventually, Bombette manages to wrench the pinecone from Kooper's grasp. He begins to sob uncontrollably for a few minutes over the loss before standing up and defiantly proclaiming:  
  
Kooper: You, you may have taken away my pride and joy-  
  
Parakarry: It was a pinecone, Kooper.  
  
Kooper: -But you will never steal the sunshine that even now so selflessly parades across the sky in an everyday celebration of happiness and LIGHT!  
  
Sushie: It's raining, you dolt. Come on inside.  
  
Kooper: No! You've taken the sun away too! Have you no shame? No ounce of pity in your barbaric bodies?!  
  
Bow (Muttering to Bombette): I think this place is getting to him.  
  
Bombette: Uh huh.  
  
Kooper: I heard that! You all hate me and for that you shall paaaaaay!  
  
With a vacant look of psychotic intent about him, Kooper springs up and attempts to punch his fellow team members, literally foaming at the mouth. He misses. He looks around, confused, and lunges at the next thing he sees: the camera. The screen goes fuzzy, though sound can still be heard (Of course, since you couldn't see anything to begin with, you'll just have to imagine a fuzzy screen, ok?).  
  
Kooper: I want my pinecone BAAAAAACK!  
  
THUD  
  
Bombette: Oww. Here, take your stupid pinecone.  
  
Kooper: *Sniffle* Looks what you've done to it!  
  
Bombette: What are you talking about?  
  
Kooper: LOOK, DARN YOU!  
  
Bombette: Kooper, if you'd kindly remove that pinecone from my face.  
  
Kooper: Thou shalt pay for thy sins, mortal!  
  
Watt: Huh?  
  
Sushie: Hey, cameraman? We need some help here!  
  
Cameraman: Still trying to fix the picture.  
  
SMACK  
  
Kooper: AUGH! By dose! Dat hurt, stubid Boo! Owie.  
  
Bow: Hmph.  
  
Cameraman: Hey, it's working again!  
  
Sure enough, the screen flickers back into focus. Most of the mast is staring at Kooper, who is now sitting down, rubbing his nose. Goombario is failingly trying to contain his amusement and Parakarry is rolling on the ground in a fit of laughter. Bow is bearing her fan threateningly, as if daring Kooper to complain.  
  
Watt, Electrician: Our mass is a weird one. Stupid pinecone.  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
As the camera pans over the funny-looking black dome, scenes suddenly change to the interior. The entire group is sprawled out on the steps, asleep; it would seem that Dino Torch's night vision was not as great as he had claimed.  
  
Cobrat: *Yawwwwwn*  
  
Dino Torch: See? Told you I could see in the dark.  
  
Iggy, Paperweight: Apparently, a certain dinosaur needs to get his eyes checked.  
  
Pidgit: I can't feel my neck.  
  
Cobrat: Huh?  
  
Pidgit: I think I slept on it funny.  
  
Ludwig: Zzz.  
  
Spiny: Now what?  
  
Cheep Cheep: What do you mean?  
  
Spiny: We're halfway up the stairs. Do we finish going up, or just go back down?  
  
Iggy: What's so hard about that?  
  
Spiny: Well, if we decided to go back downstairs, then all of last night's efforts would be totally wasted, but we'd never get breakfast. On the other hand, if we continued going up, then we'd all feel the fulfillment of finishing what we set out to do, and I think I left my teddy bear up there too.  
  
Iggy: Oh. Darn you, I forget where I was going to go now!  
  
Cobrat: The washroom is upstairs.  
  
Cheep Cheep: But both the kitchen and the N64 are downstairs.  
  
Ludwig: Zzz.  
  
Dino Torch: Harvey's hungry! He wants to go downstairs!  
  
Cheep Cheep, Athletic Swimmer: Oh great. Just great. Now he's speaking in third person.  
  
Dino Torch: I heard that! Harvey is only doing it so that you can get his name through your thick skulls!  
  
Cobrat: Will you stop if we call you Harvey?  
  
Dino Torch: Maybe.  
  
Pidgit: Good, good. Now STOP IT. It's already really annoying and you've only been doing it for a few minutes.  
  
Spiny: Which way do we goooooo?  
  
Cobrat opens his mouth to answer, but stops. Deep in thought, everyone (except Ludwig, who is still sleeping) waits for a long time, but no answers make themselves known. Realizing that no one knows the answer to this all-important question, he makes a decision.  
  
Cobrat: Someone wake up Ludwig, we need an expert's opinion.  
  
Iggy, being the closest to his sleeping brother, proceeds to shake him violently while screaming "WAKE UP!" in his ears. Ludwig jolts awake, looking dazed.  
  
Ludwig: Iggy? What was that for? And why are there three of you?  
  
Iggy slaps Ludwig.  
  
Ludwig: Ah. This is much more satisfactory. For what reason was I so rudely awakened?  
  
Spiny: We can't decide which way to go!  
  
Cobrat: The washroom is upstairs, but the kitchen in downstairs.  
  
Ludwig, Genius: I feel the sudden urge to tear a certain Koopa Kid to pieces.  
  
Ludwig: You woke me for that?!  
  
Pidgit: Er, yes.  
  
Ludwig: Do any of you have to go to the washroom?  
  
The whole mass shakes their head no.  
  
Ludwig: And are any of you hungry?  
  
All besides Ludwig nod their heads.  
  
Ludwig: So, what does this information suggest?  
  
Spiny: That Meow Mix tastes good?  
  
Ludwig: NOOOO! That you should take the downwards course simply because no one here has any legitimate reason to proceed upwards!  
  
All besides Ludwig: Ohhhhh.  
  
Dino Torch: Then let's go!  
  
The group stampede down the stairs. Spiny hesitates before doing the same, whereas Ludwig trails behind, shaking his head sadly.  
  
Ludwig, Genius: Elapsed decision-making time, one hour and sixteen minutes.  
  
Paper Pack  
  
All is normal again, or at least as normal as it ever gets around here. Kooper seems fine again, though he still guards the pinecone viciously. Intermittently, he keeps asking it what it thinks of the food he's given it.  
  
Kooper: Really, it's too cold? I think that's just an excuse not to eat it.  
  
Pinecone: ...  
  
Kooper: C'mon, I know you like cherries!  
  
Pinecone: ...  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: He gave it a cherry about an hour ago, and he keeps waiting for something to happen. I say he's gone off the deep end.  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: I heard that! You should be more considerate of others' feelings!  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: Oh, sorry-  
  
Kooper, Curling Stone: Not me, stupid! The pinecone!  
  
Bombette: *sigh*  
  
Bow: Can't we have an intelligent conversation, just this once? I mean, good grief.  
  
Watt: What's that mean?  
  
Bow: Never mind.  
  
Sushie: Maybe I should check the mail. Anyone coming?  
  
Watt: Me!  
  
Sushie and Watt leave, but the camera follows them. A few minutes of walking/flopping/floating is cut out, making them appear to arrive within mere seconds. Watt rummages around in the letter sack before pulling out something excitedly.  
  
Watt: We have mail! We have mail!  
  
Sushie: Uh, Watt?  
  
Watt: Yes?  
  
Sushie: That's a pine needle.  
  
Watt: Oh. I knew that.  
  
Dropping the pine needle Watt returns to the letter sack and pulls out.  
  
Watt: Ooh, a. book?  
  
Sushie: Open it!  
  
Watt: Hey, it's stuck!  
  
Sushie: Here, let me try.  
  
Watt hands the book, which is plastered with the "Survivor II" logo, to Sushie. She tries and tries, but it just won't open. The two try together, but this also accomplishes zilch. Confused, they return to camp.  
  
Goombario: You're sure it won't open?  
  
Sushie: Well, we couldn't open it.  
  
Kooper: Of course not, you need real muscle to that sort of thing!  
  
Bow: Then why are you even wasting your time, Kooper?  
  
Kooper: Ha! I'll show you!  
  
Smirking confidently, Kooper takes the book and pries at the cover with all his might. Unfortunately, "all his might" could be more accurately measured to that of an insect.  
  
Kooper: I've decided I don't feel like opening it any more. You can do it I'm sure.  
  
Much pulling, prying, pushing, pulling and other such exhausting words from everybody, but the book stays shut.  
  
Goombario, Journalist: I just know we're missing something here. but what?  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
Not much has happened since you last checked. Most of the mass is outside, amusing themselves with what little entertainment the forest has to offer. Namely, drawing in the sand and throwing sticks around. Ludwig is inside the Dome, presumably on the computer. Pidgit is high above the tree line, scouting for anything of interest. Dino Torch is bounding after something, breath ablaze, whilst Iggy stands off to the side talking.  
  
Iggy: Uh, Harvey?  
  
Dino Torch: Who is this "Harvey" you speak of?  
  
Iggy: But, I thought, uh.  
  
Dino Torch: Nah, that game's over now.  
  
Iggy: That.. game.  
  
Cobrat: What are you doing?  
  
Dino Torch: Roasting butterflies. Want some? They're really good!  
  
Cobrat: Ugh, no thanks. I'm not /that/ hungry yet.  
  
Spiny: I want some! I want some! Me, me, me!  
  
Dino Torch: Just a sec.  
  
A few more minutes of running in circles, and Dino Torch manages to nab another butterfly. He presents it to Spiny proudly.  
  
Spiny: Mmm, good! *munch munch* Crispy, yet chewy at the same time!  
  
Cobrat: I think I've lost my appetite. Not that I had one to begin with, but I feel nauseous now.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Spiny! Fetch the stick!  
  
Cheep Cheep hurls a stick into the bushes. Spiny drops his half-eaten butterfly and bounces off, happily chanting "Ooh! Stickstickstickstick!" Pidgit suddenly drops from the sky, closely followed by his carpet.  
  
Pidgit: Owie.  
  
Cheep Cheep: What happened to you?  
  
Pidgit: Ugh. I got distracted, lost my concentration.  
  
Cobrat: You all right?  
  
Dino Torch: Want a butterfly?  
  
Pidgit: No to both.  
  
Dino Torch: Oh.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Let's go inside! First one to the N64 gets to choose the game!  
  
Cheep Cheep, Dino Torch and Iggy dash off. Cobrat stays only long enough to help Pidgit back on to his carpet before doing the same. Pidgit grumbles, but follow them inside.  
  
Spiny: it's my turn for the first controller!  
  
Cheep Cheep: But I won the race!  
  
Dino Torch: Only because you cheated!  
  
Iggy: Maybe there's a better way to settle this.  
  
Cobrat: Yeah, with a bullet!  
  
All stare at Cobrat.  
  
Cobrat: What? . I was just kidding! Really!  
  
Suddenly, Ludwig bursts into the room excitedly, holding a sheet of paper.  
  
Ludwig: We have received an Email!  
  
Pidgit: Read it!  
  
Ludwig: I shall. In. Abase. Er.  
  
Cheep Cheep: Don't tell me you can't read it.  
  
Ludwig: Certainly not! The light quality is insufficient for reading.  
  
Iggy: Outside, then!  
  
The gang stampedes outdoors. It's noticeably lighter than it was indoors, obviously.  
  
Spiny: Uh, what's that?  
  
Cobrat: It looks like a crayon drawing of a bell.  
  
Ludwig: I agree. The poem itself appears rather short as well, but I suppose it cannot be helped. Ahem:  
  
In case of fire, ring this bell,  
  
Drop this book, and run like he-  
  
Pidgit: Uh, L-L-Ludwig?  
  
Ludwig: What?  
  
Pidgit: L-Look behind you.  
  
Pidgit need not have warned however, because the subtle vibrating soon becomes as loud as an earthquake. Turning around, the group gasps to discover Triclyde, rampaging towards them at breakneck speed. A fiery ball emits from its left head's mouth, sending them running for cover. Triclyde laughs heartily.  
  
Dino Torch, Pyromaniac: Huh? Why is everyone running? I don't see what the problem-  
  
Unfortunately, he doesn't finish, for it is at that moment that he is trampled under the huge, three-headed snake for his ignorance. Triclyde laughs again, proceeding to chase the entire mass out in to the distance. Dino Torch climbs out of his the indent in the ground and scrambles to catch up.  
  
Reward Challenge  
  
The members of the Mismatch Mass have all collapsed in a heap at the exact spot that Triclyde stopped chasing them, puffing and panting for breath. This spot is, most likely intentionally, only meters away from Lemmy, who is waiting to start the challenge. The Paper Pack appears to have gotten to message as well; Bowser is standing beside Triclyde, staring at the winded Paper Pack with a smug look on his face. Triclyde's right head is doing the same, though his left and middle heads are arguing with each other.  
  
Left: It was all thanks to me, of course. Without my stunning intellect, you two would still be back there trying to figure out which way was North!  
  
Triclyde: At least /I/ didn't forget how to breathe fire.  
  
Left: Shaddup!  
  
Triclyde: You shut up!  
  
Left: No, you!  
  
Triclyde: You!  
  
Left: Why, I oughta.  
  
Right: You guys are so immature.  
  
Lemmy: Could we PLEASE get started?  
  
Right: Be my guest.  
  
Left: No, I'm not finis- MMMPH!  
  
Triclyde: Thank you.  
  
Triclyde's Right head has just clamped his jaws around Left's mussel, rendering Left quiet. This unfortunately leaves Right unable to speak as well, but it's a drawback we'll just have to live with for now.  
  
Bowser: Hurry it up, will ya?  
  
Lemmy: I'm getting to that. Losers, I trust you all enjoyed the last few days?  
  
Loud groans and other such negative feedback come from the masses.  
  
Lemmy: Heh heh, I thought so. But, in today's reward challenge, you will be competing for something very valuable. This something will allow you to obtain your own food, meat, if you will.  
  
Cheep Cheep: What is it?  
  
Pidgit: Yeah, what?  
  
Lemmy: Ah ah ah, I can't tell you yet. Whichever mass wins will find out when they receive their prize. However, you can be sure that this is something worth winning.  
  
Kooper: Aww, poot.  
  
Pinecone: ...  
  
Kooper: It's all right, we'll find out what we're getting, 'cuz we're gonna win!  
  
Pinecone: ...  
  
Lemmy: This task will not be an easy one. If you look to your left, you will see a line of duct tape stuck to the ground. This is the starting line for both teams. When I give the word, you may make a break for the other end of the field.  
  
Lemmy indicates a small field over to the left. Two stretches of grass are set up like a footrace might be, except for the fact that the only two starting points are spread far apart and are large enough to fit a mass each. At the end of either stretch is one of two previously mentioned bosses, who have somehow managed to travel from one end of the field to the other without any logical means: Triclyde for the Paper Pack, Bowser for the Mismatch Mass.  
  
Lemmy: You will be given a fire hose to douse the flames, but are otherwise unarmed. The first mass to successfully overthrow the opponent wins.  
  
Cobrat: But, but.  
  
Bow: You're not telling me we have to.  
  
Lemmy: Losers ready?  
  
Despite the panicked "No!"s that come from both masses, Lemmy presents each mass with a fire hose and gestures for them to go. Nervous but determined, the masses set off towards the end of the field, jogging at a moderate pace. The fire hoses unravel as needed, apparently attached to some sort of pump off screen.  
  
Parakarry: You guys have any idea of what to do?  
  
Sushie: Nope.  
  
Bombette: I could explode on 'im!  
  
Bow: I'll smack some sense into the snake.  
  
Goombario: Let's just figure it out when we get there, ok?  
  
Kooper: This hose is heavy!  
  
Watt: Lemme help!  
  
Meanwhile, the Mismatch Mass seems to have gotten the general idea. They have picked up the pace and are soon approaching Bowser. Bowser begins to spew fireballs once they get close enough, and the mass begins to execute some fancy footwork in attempt to avoid them. Dino Torch looks puzzled.  
  
Spiny: Hot, hot, hot!  
  
Iggy: And a one, and a two. Ouch!  
  
Dino Torch: Why are you guys all dancing?  
  
Cheep Cheep: We're not dancing. (She pauses here to duck another fireball) we're trying to stay undercooked!  
  
Dino Torch: Huh?  
  
Ludwig (muttering): Steaming fireball advancing from a ninety-three degree angle. Could be most easily avoided by taking the direct path to the-  
  
He stops abruptly as the said fireball whizzes past. Another actually hits Dino Torch, who still can't understand what all the fuss is about. Spiny takes refuge behind Dino Torch, running behind him so as to avoid stay clear of the fire that is now raining down upon them.  
  
The Paper Pack has gotten closer to Triclyde, and is now performing a very similar dance-like charge in order to progress any farther. The whole scene is actually somewhat comical. Kooper attempts to help by turning on the hose, but the pressure sends him swinging about in all directions. Bow, Watt, Bombette and Goombario stop, but the hose's water keeps splattering in their faces before they can get close enough to help. In the confusion, Goombario is hit by another fireball, courtesy of Triclyde's middle head.  
  
Triclyde: Oh yeah! Who hit him? Who hit the little Goomba?  
  
Left (mumbling): .You did.  
  
Right: Knock it off, you two! We have to be careful.  
  
Left: Yeah right! Ahahahaha!  
  
Meanwhile, a few metres away.  
  
Goombario: Oh, owowowoww! The pain.  
  
Kooper: Are you all right?  
  
Goombario: Well gee, I'm writhing on the ground in mortal agony. Let me think. NO, I'M NOT ALL RIGHT!  
  
Kooper: Well excuse me for trying to be considerate.  
  
Bow: Throw your pinecone at Triclyde! Maybe it'll make him stop.  
  
Kooper: NOOOOO!  
  
Bow begins to wrestle with Kooper in attempt to gain possession of the pinecone. As the Paper Pack struggles to remain calm, the Mismatch Mass has already made it to Bowser.  
  
Bowser: Jeez, there are a lot of you. Hold still so I can roast you!  
  
Ludwig: King Dad, I would like to discuss the mutual benefits to both causes that would ensue as a result of your letting us defeat you easily. For one-  
  
Bowser: What? Ludwig, what are you doing here? And Iggy? You mark my words, this will not go unpunished!  
  
Iggy: But King Dad, we're on this show and-  
  
Bowser: No excuses!  
  
As Bowser prepares to deliver a dungeon sentence to his confused kids, Dino Torch's eyes seem to have gotten large and watery. He stares at Bowser with a look that can only be described as total admiration, zipping in front of the tyrant hastily.  
  
Dino Torch: King Bowser, sir! How great it is to finally meet you!  
  
Bowser: Eh? What is he talking about?  
  
Dino Torch: You are my mentor! The way to roast your opponents to a perfect crisp is nothing less than awe-inspiring!  
  
Pidgit: Dino Torch, what are you doing?  
  
Dino Torch: Really, sir, it's been a life-long dream of mine to meet you! Can I. Can I have your autograph?  
  
Left speechless by this odd request, Cobrat uses the opportunity to wriggle around Bowser's legs. Startled, Bowser claws at Cobrat, but it's too late; he's already teetering back and forth precariously. An enraged roar signals a victory for the Mismatch Mass, whilst moans of pain emit from the Paper Pack: Triclyde still hasn't stopped breathing fire.  
  
Left: *FOOM* Ha ha! This is fun!  
  
Right: Uh, Left, I think maybe you should stop.  
  
Left: Huh? Why?  
  
Right: Because the other team won.  
  
Triclyde: Really? Cool, we outlasted Bowser!  
  
Left: Pay up, pal!  
  
Triclyde: *Sigh* Here's your five coins back.  
  
Left: Are you kidding? I bet double!  
  
Triclyde sighs again as he shells out another five coins for Left. Left grins happily, while Right shakes his head at the immaturity of it all.  
  
Lemmy: Mismatch Mass is the winner!  
  
Spiny: Yay!  
  
The Paper Pack leaves, grumbling as they carry Goombario away.  
  
Lemmy: And now, you get to see your prize!  
  
He pulls out a small, veiled object and begins to slowly pull away the covering. The tension gives way to utter confusion as the prize is revealed.  
  
Lemmy: Be awed and amazed, losers!  
  
Ludwig: But the meaning of awed and amazed are identical, being that-  
  
Lemmy: Shh!  
  
Cobrat: .A net?  
  
Iggy: There aren't any fish around here.  
  
Cheep Cheep: I think I'm going to be sick.  
  
Spiny: Ooooo, pretty mesh!  
  
Dino Torch: It's not a fishing net!  
  
Dino Torch's eyes are riveted to the net, and remain mesmerized as he takes it, holding it above his head triumphantly.  
  
Dino Torch: Can't you see? It's a butterfly net!  
  
Pidgit: We went through all that. for a butterfly net?!  
  
Dino Torch: Isn't it beautiful? Look at the wooden frame. The excellent craftsmanship that must have been put into this fine piece of art! I could almost cry.  
  
Pidgit: Let's just go.  
  
The mass begins to leave, grumbling and complaining under their breath. Spiny tags alongside Dino Torch, wanting to get a better look at this "fine piece of art".  
  
Dino Torch: They just don't appreciate the finer things in life.  
  
Spiny: Wow. /I/ believe you, Dino Torch.  
  
Bowser: You kids are in big trouble when you get home!  
  
Hearing this, Ludwig and Iggy pick up the pace. The other losers struggle to catch up as the two Koopa Kids head hastily lead the way back to camp at breakneck speed.  
  
Day 9  
  
Paper Pack  
  
The Paper Pack is, as always, back in their little hut. An aura of depression seems to have settled around the camp like fog.  
  
Bombette, Demolitions Expert: We lost another challenge last night. At least it was only the reward challenge.  
  
Parakarry: I wonder what the Mismatch Match won, anyway?  
  
Kooper: probably something really neat.  
  
Bow: Like what? A cruise?  
  
Goombario: No, that sort of thing won't happen until the merge.  
  
Watt: Maybe they won some pillows!  
  
Goombario: I get the feeling it would be something more useful.  
  
Watt: Pillows are useful! They're comfy and warm!  
  
Kooper: What do you think?  
  
Sushie: Well, I-  
  
Kooper: Not you.  
  
Pinecone: ..  
  
Kooper: Really? Possibly.  
  
Pinecone: ..  
  
Kooper: No, I don't think so. WHAT?  
  
Pinecone: ..  
  
Kooper: Shut up!  
  
Pinecone: ..  
  
Off to the side.  
  
Bow: Is he arguing with that. pinecone?  
  
Parakarry: I think so. Pretty sad, isn't it?  
  
Goombario: Maybe we should discuss who we're voting off?  
  
Parakarry: So, you're already assuming that we're going to lose? That's not being very optimistic.  
  
Bow: That's because he's being realistic! We should always expect the worst!  
  
Goombario: Er, yeah.  
  
Trying their best to appear absolutely inconspicuous (and failing miserably), Goombario and Parakarry grab Kooper and drag him over to the side. Kooper is still holding his pinecone, but has a nasty scowl on his face.  
  
Kooper: Can you BELIEVE this guy? Really, you'd think I'd done a better-  
  
Bow: Just shut it, ok? This is serious.  
  
Kooper: Oh, and like this isn't?  
  
Parakarry: Er. That's not the point. The point is, we still don't know who we're going to vote off if we lose tonight's immunity challenge.  
  
Goombario: This could be really important.  
  
Kooper: Aw, who cares? We'll deal with it when and if the time comes.  
  
Parakarry: But, but.  
  
Goombario: But this alliance was supposed to be for planning things strategically!  
  
Kooper: Ok, you guys be strategic. Tell me when you're finished.  
  
Kooper returns to Bombette and Sushie, who eye him suspiciously. Watt looks oblivious to anything different.  
  
Bow, Boo Princess: There goes one weird Koopa.  
  
Mismatch Mass  
  
It's a beautiful day outside, and the losers are taking full advantage of it by. staying inside and playing N64. Dino Torch is outside however, trying to catch butterflies with the new butterfly net. He already has a large pile of them, and is still happily chasing them to his heart's content.  
  
Dino Torch: Wow, (swipe) that last (swipe) challenge was really (swipe, swipe) something! Not only (swipe) did I meet my fire-setting (swipe, swipe, swipe) mentor, but we also (swipe, swipe) won this! It's a wonder that no one else wants to (swipe) use it!  
  
Back inside.  
  
Spiny jumps up and down on the spot, waving hyperly to the camera.  
  
Spiny, Obstacle: Bamboo!  
  
Iggy: Aww, all we won yesterday was a stupid net!  
  
Ludwig: Perhaps we could use it as some sort of fuel?  
  
Cobrat: Firewood, maybe. HEY, that was /so/ my turn!  
  
Pidgit: Was not! Anyways, how can you play without hands?  
  
Cobrat: I use my nose.  
  
Pidgit: But how.? Never mind.  
  
Cobrat: That's right, it would be far too complicated for the likes of you lot to understand.  
  
Ludwig: Except for I.  
  
Spiny: Huh? Who's I? I don't see anyone named I here. Did I miss something?  
  
Cheep Cheep: Can we play a different game now? I'm getting tired of watching you guys play Super Smash Bros..  
  
(All stare at Cheep Cheep)  
  
Cheep Cheep: What? You /have/ been playing it for the last four hours.  
  
Spiny: Hey! You cheated!  
  
Ludwig: I did not. It is almost impossible to cheat in a video game without utilizing a specific game modifier, making it logically-  
  
Spiny: But you're not logical!  
  
Ludwig: I resent that.  
  
As the battle grow more intense, all talking stops as their eyes stay glued to the screen.  
  
Pidgit: Ah, no!  
  
Cheep Cheep: He beat you good, Pidgit.  
  
Pidgit: Hmph.  
  
A few more minutes pass.  
  
Spiny: NOOOOO!  
  
Cobrat: Ha HA! Gotcha!  
  
Spiny: But. but. I was so close!  
  
Ludwig: Not close enough.  
  
A few more minutes pass. Dino Torch bursts through the front door.  
  
Dino Torch: Helloooooo! Lookie what I caught!  
  
Though a few heads turn to see what Dino Torch has got, Cobrat and Ludwig remain deeply focused. Cobrat seems just about to defeat Ludwig, when suddenly, Spiny races across Cobrat's tail on his way to see Dino Torch. Cobrat yells at Spiny, who takes no notice and skids to a stop beside Dino Torch. Cobrat returns his attention to the screen, only to discover that he's left it a second too long.  
  
Ludwig: YES!  
  
Cobrat: AUGH! No fair! You saw what happened, I demand a rematch!  
  
Ludwig: Nope, I win.  
  
Spiny: Hey everyone, lookit the butterflies Dino Torch caught! Here's a pretty blue one, and a funny brown one. Ooh, this shiny one's nice.  
  
Cobrat: I lost the most important game of my life for a few lousy butterflies?!  
  
Cheep Cheep: Cheer up. There will be another time.  
  
Dino Torch: These are not just lousy butterflies! Aside from being pretty and fun to catch, they make a delicious snack when roasted!  
  
Pidgit: Um, maybe we'll take care of them later.  
  
Ludwig: And look! It's time for the next challenge!  
  
Immunity Challenge  
  
Both masses have gathered at the site for the next immunity challenge. Most of the losers look confused. Spiny looks as clueless as ever, while Dino Torch appears ticked off.  
  
Lemmy: Well, it looks like you've all come out of the-  
  
Dino Torch: Why didn't we get a poem? Why wasn't there a funny guy to say it out loud?  
  
Lemmy: Well, uh, we were a bit short on time, and, er.  
  
Dino Torch: Short on time, my foot! This episode's been the longest one coming so far. WHERE'S OUR POEM?  
  
Lemmy: Maybe we can-  
  
Dino Torch: I want a poem!  
  
Lemmy: Sorry, I don't think I can-  
  
Dino Torch: If I don't get one now, I refuse to participate!  
  
Lemmy: Did I ever tell you that I'm psychic? I predict that a certain whiny dinosaur's name may just happen to appear on EACH and EVERY one of the ballots, after his mass LOSES.  
  
Dino Torch: Meep! I'll stop.  
  
Lemmy: Good. This challenge is fairly straightforward. There's a big pile of rocks over there, along with a whole lot of paint. Everybody grab a rock, and paint it. The best rock's owner wins the challenge for their team.  
  
Spiny: We get to make a mess? Cool!  
  
Lemmy: No, you're going to paint rocks.  
  
Spiny: Paint rocks, make a mess, same thing.  
  
Lemmy: Ok. Losers ready? Go!  
  
The Paper Pack and the Mismatch Mass separate and each find themselves a nice rock. Grabbing a few containers of paint, they look around, seeming to be searching for something.  
  
Bow: Where are the paintbrushes?  
  
Cobrat: We're not using paintbrushes, duh.  
  
Bow: Then what's the point of painting if we're going to get DIRTY?  
  
Pidgit: Ha ha, the Boo's afraid of a little-  
  
SMACK  
  
Pidgit: Ouch. *Twitch*  
  
Iggy: I can't carry my rock!  
  
Ludwig: Then I suggest you select one with a miniscule weight property.  
  
Iggy: Huh?  
  
Cobrat: He means pick a smaller one.  
  
Iggy: Ahh.  
  
Dino Torch: I'll think I'll paint a fire!  
  
Spiny: I'm not sure what I'll do yet.  
  
Cheep Cheep: What? There are only eight shades of blue? What kind of ramshackle show are you running here, Lemmy?  
  
Lemmy: Hey, I don't make this stuff up.  
  
Kooper: So, what do you think of it so far?  
  
Parakarry: Not ba-  
  
Kooper: Not you!  
  
Bombette: He's talking to that pinecone again.  
  
Sushie: He's been acting really weird lately.  
  
Bow: How can you tell? I don't see a difference.  
  
Goombario: Nice rock, there.  
  
Watt: Why, thank you! I'm going for an abstract kind of approach.  
  
Goombario: So I see. What is it?  
  
Watt: I just told you, it's abstract!  
  
Around an hour later, everyone's rocks are finished. Lemmy comes around to choose the best one.  
  
Dino Torch: Do you like it? I call it, "Venting Anger on a Rock"!  
  
Lemmy: It's pitch black.  
  
Dino Torch: That's 'cuz I barbecued it!  
  
Lemmy: NEXT!  
  
Watt: This is my abstract rock! See? That's a funny twirly thing, there's a lightning bolt, and there's a squiggle that looks almost like a dust bunny right there!  
  
Lemmy: This looks like it was done by a five year-old!  
  
Watt: Not true! I'm six and a half!  
  
After looking at many different and unique rocks, including marshmallows, candy, bamboo, cartoon snails, unintelligible messes, dragons and other just as random themes, he finally finds one that leaves him speechless.  
  
Lemmy: Wow. What is it?  
  
Spiny: It's my view on world issues, including but not limited to poverty, religion and world hunger!  
  
Lemmy: That's beautiful! Victory to the Mismatch Mass!  
  
Spiny: Yay!  
  
Parakarry: Uh, Lemmy? In case you haven't noticed, there's nothing on that rock. We all spent an hour slaving our paintings, while he did absolutely nothing!  
  
Lemmy: But I'll bet that's all he ever does see. emptiness.  
  
Bow: Only because he's too stupid to open his eyes!  
  
Ignoring the Paper Pack's complaints, Lemmy hands Spiny the immunity idol, after which his team's cheers stop. They tackle him and take it away before he has a chance to do it any unwitting harm.  
  
Watt: But that's not faaaaaaair!  
  
Mass Massacre  
  
The Paper Pack has hiked to Mass Massacre. Unwillingly perhaps, but they've shown up all the same.  
  
Lemmy: Well, Paper Pack! We meet again.  
  
Bow: And boy, does your breath stink! Ever heard of brushing?  
  
Lemmy: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.  
  
Bow: And what is with your hair? It's called a comb, buddy!  
  
Lemmy: Hey, being a host takes up a lot of my personal time, you know! What would happen if I just decided not to show up?  
  
Goombario: Then we'd all be better off?  
  
Lemmy: Ah, forget it! Kooper! Voting booth!  
  
Kooper: Aww, what'd I ever do to-  
  
Lemmy: NOW!  
  
Kooper goes to vote. Vibrant, happy music begins to play. It stops once Lemmy smashes a small tape player behind him to bits, leaving no music at all.  
  
Lemmy: Oops.  
  
Bombette goes to vote. We see her standing very close to the camera, tapping the lens.  
  
Bombette: Hello? Can you hear me? .Are you in there?  
  
Cameraman: Hey, stop that!  
  
Bombette: Aww. Oh, and my vote goes to Kooper, because he's acting all funny.  
  
Parakarry goes to vote.  
  
Goombario goes to vote.  
  
Watt goes to vote.  
  
Watt: I vote for Bow, because she's annoying me!  
  
Sushie goes to vote.  
  
Bow goes to vote.  
  
Bow: I vote for Watt, because she's a whiny brat!  
  
Kooper goes to vote.  
  
Kooper: I vote for-  
  
Lemmy: HEY! You're only allowed to vote once!  
  
Kooper: Drat.  
  
Lemmy: I'll go tally the votes.  
  
Lemmy does so, making for the vote bucket in as slow a fashion as he can possibly accomplish. After a few more nerve-racking minutes, he returns.  
  
Lemmy: Once the votes are counted, the loser with the most votes will be asked to-  
  
Parakarry: Aww, skip it. We know the rest!  
  
Lemmy: The first vote goes to Bow. The next vote goes to Watt. The third vote, Bow. Fourth, Kooper. Fifth, Bow. Sixth, (drum roll, please) Bow.  
  
Bow: Stop saying my name!  
  
Lemmy: Congratulations, Bow!  
  
Bow: Cool! What'd I win?  
  
Lemmy: An inclusive, all-expenses paid trip outta here, courtesy of our oversized cannon!  
  
Bow: NOOO! You guys can't /do/ this to me! We had an alliance!  
  
Lemmy: It looks like they just did. Please retrieve your staff.  
  
Bow: Grrr.  
  
Lemmy: All right, now you have to opportunity to crack that thing over the head of whomever you feel was responsible for your being voted off.  
  
The losers all gulp simultaneously. An evil grin replaces Bow's grimace as bends he staff in half. Throwing it much like a boomerang, she somehow manages to hit every one of her mass's members over the head at once. She then willingly floats into the cannon, enjoying the moans of pain from behind her.  
  
Lemmy: Any last words?  
  
Bow: I hate you all!  
  
The cannon shoots her into the distance. The camera keeps focused until she can no longer been seen. The credits roll.  
  
Bow, Boo Princess, on being voted off: Kooper, Parakarry, Goombario! You backstabbing freaks! I could just. But no. You just wait until you get back, oh yes. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! Mwahahahaha!  
  
Who voted for who?  
  
Kooper: Bow (Breaking his alliance in favour of backstabbing Bow, the alliance never made a group decision)  
  
Bombette: Kooper (Acting funny)  
  
Parakarry: Bow (Backstabbing Bow)  
  
Goombario: Bow (Feels that she's lowering the team spirit, not voting with group)  
  
Watt: Kooper (Is annoying)  
  
Sushie: Bow (She's stuck up)  
  
Bow: Watt (She's a whiny brat) 


End file.
